Funeral fears

I lost my husband five weeks ago, suddenly and unexpectedly in surgery. His funeral is tomorrow and its going to be busy, he was relatively young, sociable and well liked.

A humanist celebrant is conducting the service and I have written a short piece about him too. I would love to do him proud and read it but I’m scared I won’t be strong enough to do it and I cry at the drop of a hat at the mo.

How do I get though? Any tips on how I can control myself. I also don’t want to be a blubbering mess, I want to chat and share stories and be present.



Hiya ! Firstly I hope tomorrow isn’t too painful but I know it will be and you’ll feel crushed by the occasion. Tips ? Just keep your family and friends close by as you’ll need their support. It’s so final but in a way better than knowing he’s stuck in some undertakers waiting for tomorrow to come. They’ll be tears of sadness course there will ge also tears of joy as everyone reflects on what a good man he was. It’s exhausting but once it’s over there will be some slight relief.

Much love


Just remember that its the next step of the journey and not the end.keep your family and friends close and if you break down no one will think the worst of you


My OH’S funeral is also tomorrow :broken_heart:
I’m dreading it. I wrote some words for him but I know there’s absolutely no way I’d be able to speak without breaking down so the celebrant will speak for me. It’s going to be an emotional day so I don’t feel bad in the slightest for not speaking myself. Oddly that’s one of the only things I don’t feel bad about. Perhaps you could keep what you want to say written down in front of you and see how you feel at the time, if you feel too emotional then you could hand the card to the celebrant and ask him to speak for you.

I hope it goes as well as can be expected x


I wrote something to say at my partner’s funeral. His daughter did too, but as the day got nearer neither of us could stand up and read what we had written so the celebrant did it on our behalf. You will make him proud whatever you decide to do. Hope the day goes as best as it can x


Hi, 5 weeks on from losing my partner as well, im so sorry for your loss.

I had planned to speak at her funeral, but when the day came, I couldn’t do it and our priest read it on my behalf instead. I don’t regret it as everyone attending knew what kind of person she was and knew our love and how much I adored her, and she knew as well. I didn’t need to force or pressure myself to profess it. After the service, when I was less emotional, I was able to speak to all of our family and friends, share stories and memories and it was a great way to honour her and talk about her.

Try not to put pressure on yourself to control your emotions, they’re normal and no one would expect you to have yourself pulled together. Just do what you can, he will be proud of you either way.


My boyfriend funeral is next week and it’s going to be busy. I’m planning to speak but I’m also scared I wont be able to. I really feel I have to be strong for him one last time.


You are going through a really tough time. Know that your boyfriend will be proud of you what ever you do. Your words will mean everything to you whoever reads and speaks them. The words have come from your heart, nobody elses and you have done him proud right there. Do what is best for you and know that your boyfriend would want that for you too xx


@K8R I could not read out my eulogy to my wife and it was read by the celebrant. I had so many tears I barely recognised anyone including friends of over 50 years. No one will expect you to be together.
After the funeral we had a wake and it was only then I was able to share the memories. Don’t put pressure on yourself and go with whatever happens at the funeral.


Very late coming in to this conversation for which I apologise.
I do hope it went as well as possible.

I knew I would not be able to speak at Richard’s funeral and similar to @Mike75, I was unaware of who was there until after the event.
I had a close friend who agreed to read our words for us.
Sending love
Karen xxx

Hi, i hope everyone is ok. We’re now nearly four weeks on from the funeral. It was an emotional day but I managed to say what i wanted to say…and kept it together. My children had made me promise I wouldn’t cry (they’re young) …not quite sure how I fell for that.

Thanks to you all for your support


Amazing @K8R I’m in awe of you.
My younger daughter (25) has a learning disability and is fine about my crying unless she is - then she hates me crying too as she needs me to be strong for her.

My other daughter and I cry together!

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I knew that i wouldn’t be able to speak at sue funeral so we had a friend and member of our bike club speak about sue .also doreen is a pastor as well .she did sue proud