I lost my partner of 25 years in January after a short illness and a week in end of life care. Knowing she would die and there was nothing that could be done was torture and then a 5 week wait for the funeral just added to the pain.
I just don’t know who I am without her and there are so many things I can’t do and places I can’t go because it’s too painful and the thought of any kind of future or enjoyment of anything feels impossible.
I know that I will be a mess at the funeral and I know its mostly because it reinforces that she is gone and I can’t bear it that’s she’s gone. I feel so lost.
@Lyn64 You are at the start of your grief journey and a life you would never have chosen without your life partner. You will find that what you have written is scattered throughout the threads on this site. This first period is disorientating and painful both emotionally and physically. There is the pain of loss and the trauma of the passing.
I am 16 weeks on since my wife of 47 years passed and still can’t go to certain places or do things we did together. There is no timetable for grief or anything that will ever take it away. However, those who are further down the road than me will share their experiences with you. That is the value of this site. We are all here for the same reason and although all our stories are different we can support each other.
The funeral is particularly emotional so my thoughts will be with you.
So sorry to read of the loss of your wife and the delay in the funeral. For me it was also quite a delay as we had to wait for the post mortem and then fix a date which did not clash with a wedding many of the people who would want to attend were at.
To be honest, I think most people are a mess at their partner’s funeral and I would say, for the very reason you mentioned, it brings it home how real this is. That is actually, in my view, one of the purposes of it. To help us to accept the reality of what has happened. Accepting it as real is the first baby step on this grief journey we are all on. Until we face the reality and stop the ‘what ifs’ we cannot begin to take any more steps. I had to stop the ‘if only’ thoughts as they were stopping me from doing anything. What happened cannot be changed no matter how many times I revisit the alternative possibilities - they didn’t happen. Acceptance was my first challenge and I think I am through that one.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you feel so alone. My husbands funeral was last week 3 weeks after he passed. Know that are not alone, use the support from this site from those who really do understand. Together we are strong, and will help us on our journey that non of us wanted to take
Love and hugs xx