Am having a weepy day today. My 66 year old husband died suddenly 5 weeks ago away from home so everything delayed for post mortem then being brought back home. I hate the thought of him being in a coffin all that time. People are united in telling me I need to be strong and brave at the funeral. Why? I’m heartbroken and emotional and I don’t see that as a sign of weakness, just a sign that I loved Michael with all my heart and am bereft without him.
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I’m very sorry for your loss, and I truly understand your pain and worries. When my partner passed away, there was no illness, no warning. I was away with my family in Poland, and he died at home, alone with our two dogs.
Because of his age, the police were involved to ensure that no third party was involved. The post-mortem took weeks, and his family wanted the funeral to take place in our home country. I had to organise the transfer of his body and was constantly being chased by my partner’s family. Some of his organs were taken for further examination, which meant another three months of waiting. I had the option to bury him without his organs or to wait six months. His father and I decided not to wait, when the organs were finally released, I had them cremated and sent back to Poland to be reunited with the rest of him. Just writing this still brings the pain back. Marek’s funeral took place three weeks after he passed away. I wasn’t strong I was scared and cried throughout the ceremony. And you are right, you don’t need to be strong. Let your emotions guide you. He will be there with you, holding your hand. 
Thinking of you.
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Thank you so much for replying when you’ve been through such a terrible ordeal yourself. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Goodness, life can be so cruel.
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I hope you managed to get through it and are feeling slightly better now. After my partner’s funeral, it felt as though reality suddenly set in, and this became my new life without him. Nearly eight months on, I still miss him deeply and can’t quite believe that I won’t see him again.
Take care, and please be gentle with yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss You don’t need to be strong and brave. Your emotions will get the better of you anyway. My partner died suddenly at home and it was almost a month before he could be buried because of the post mortem. The funeral was mostly a blur and I felt in a daze as if it was not real. My sister told me I had “done well” whatever that means. You will get through the day whether you cry or not. Unless any of those people at the funeral have lost their lifelong soul mates they don’t know the pain you feel.
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I got through the funeral and was comforted by being surrounded at the wake by so many caring friends and family. BUT I then spent 2 days crying a lot of the time. I couldn’t seem to stop. Have calmed down now and even went to football match on my own (brother met me there) today. Another first. Didn’t enjoy it but proud of myself for going.
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Hi Cathy,
I just wanted to reassure you that you don’t need to be anything that anyone tells you to be! You feel how you need to feel, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
My fiancé’s funeral was last Thursday (5 days ago) he was 37 and father to our 2 beautiful children. It was a massive shock as I found him unresponsive in our bed. I tried CPR but he had already gone.
The funeral was surreal and simultaneously heartbreaking. I begged them not to take him away even though I knew he had to go. I was physically sick at the funeral home when they closed his coffin, and with exception to the day he died it was the worse day of my life.
I’m still an absolute mess, I’m scared, lonely, anxious, feel guilty for still breathing but I got through that day and you will too.
Let yourself feel how you need to feel. Your husband would be so proud of you for even getting this far.
Sending so much love xx Christy
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It was my husbands funeral today, it was just how I wanted it to be, but I’m sitting here now alone and feel heartbroken. It’s so final, my family has been amazing and helping me so much. I feel lost and miss him so much.
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Hi lovely,
I totally understand how you’re feeling. My fiancé’s funeral was last Thursday, so still very raw.
I feel like the whole day was a bit of a whirlwind and I can’t remember huge parts of it. I’ve been pretty much on my knees since then. It’s really really tough and I think perhaps, in a way, the funeral made it all feel real and final. Someone actually said to me “I bet you’re glad it’s over now.” This really annoyed me because to others the funeral is the end but to a widow it’s just the start.
Here if you ever need to talk or vent - I’m feeling much the same as you love x
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Thank you so much. I can’t understand how someone can say that, it is just the beginning. You are in limbo until the funeral then reality sets in. I’m sitting here crying, I miss him so much.
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i never had a funeral and dontknow if it made things easier for me or not. the last time i saw hubby was going in ambulance to hospital, i never saw him again. he died 12 hrs later and i had pure cremations. i wasnt allowed to see him at the hospital after he died. everything was done without me having to arrange stuff etc. i got ashes back a few weeks later. so i dont know if it made the whole thing of losing him easier for me.
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So very sorry for your loss my husband died 9 weeks ago but because of unexpected death and hold ups with post mortem delays then a date was set eventually meaning it took 2 month to finally have his funeral last week. I felt exactly the same ,the day went as I hoped but came home to an empty house and just sat there lost and alone. Missing them is unbearable . Even now I’m still trying to tell myself this has really happened . I wish you all the best and hope you can start to slowly heal and cope with your terrible loss. Reading the posts on here it’s so sad the amount of people going through this all the time.
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I’m so sorry for your loss too. I know exactly what you are going through. I think you are numb for a while, then that goes and reality hits home. I went to the shops today, came home and cried for ages, I did feel a bit better after, we just have to go with it. It’s so good to be able to hear how others on here are feeling and coping. I certainly don’t feel so alone.
Such a long time to have to wait for your husband’s funeral. It sounds as if you’ve been through a similar experience to me. My husband died suddenly 10 weeks ago. He was away from home and what with post mortem and moving him back home then Christmas and New Year it took many weeks before we could arrange his funeral. Like you I can’t quite believe it’s happened. He went away for 2 nights with his children and never came back. I too feel lost and alone. It’s actual pain. Sending you hugs and understanding x
I feel so much for you, and your pain. Nothing prepares you for this. My husband had been unwell since September, but we didn’t realise how bad things were. We were given hope and we were positive he could recover. He fought so hard and believed he would get better. He passed away at home with myself and the family. He was peaceful. I miss him so much. I know that life will never be the same and life will be so different, it’s coming to terms with that. It’s still very early days so I am taking things one day at a time. It is so difficult though.
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Hi Christy, I also lost my fiancé in very similar circumstances to you on the 26th March this year, I went upstairs and found him unresponsive, did cpr and he also had already gone and never regained any output. I was alone at home at the time and still don’t have a cause of death or reason as to why it happened, he was 42 the same age as me. It’s his funeral Friday after a month and the feeling of dread is just getting worse. I hope you’re doing well
Kate x
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Hi Kate, my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a lot of support for the funeral on Friday. It must be so difficult not knowing what happened. Thinking of you
Wishing you all the best
Tom 
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