I thought watching ‘Beat the Chasers’ would take my mind off missing my husband for just an hour. No such luck. I made the mistake of looking at the empty chair, and that was that! Pain causing through me like a knife.
I miss him more than I thought possible, but do you know what is worse? I am devastated that he will never be able to enjoy things ever again. He adored his family, but he will never see them again. He loved the garden, It is growing without him and I have had to get a gardener. He loved his shooting, the guns had to be sold. He worshipped his family, but will never be able to do things as part of that family, ever again. The nearest we can get is talking about how much we miss him being there when we get together. Everything he loved is out of his reach now and that breaks my heart. I resent the fact that such a vibrant happy and wonderful man has had all the things he loved ripped away from him. And that’s without going over the pain of seeing his empty chair from where he used to look at me and smile while we were watching Tv. Missing him is torture. Him having to miss out on his future is more than that. He was, and is, so loved, and will be missed as long as we live.
Dear AnnR
Your words sum up how many of us feel. My husband used to sit on the settee opposite me and even just having a cup of tea, I could just look up and he would be smiling across. We used to check our phones for regular Whatsapp updates on our little grandson and the first to see the new message would shout for the other and we would sit and watch the recordings together or go through the new photos. Same when our daughter would face-time us. Of course I can still do these things but as you say my husband is no longer here to share in the joy.
Take care.
Sheila
Dear Sheila, WhatsApp - that brings back memories. I didn’t have it on my phone because I never got around to changing it because I liked it! Tony had it on his phone though and would call me when he had a message and we would watch it together. A new phone is next on the list once I am able to go out. Won’t be the same though.
Dear AnnR
Same here. Need one so I can get one of those camera doorbells.
Sheila