I lost my dad 2 months ago after a few months of illness, we were prepared for his death and he was older so im lucky that there hasnt been the shock or anger that some people have - i expected to feel relieved as he was suffering at the end.
But I was devastated and although I do feel less debilitated by my emotions now, i now feel I’m just plodding on, with my main aim to get through the day.
I go to work because i have to, but otherwise i have no interest in anything.
I dont want to do anything that i enjoyed doing before, i feel like I’m dragging around a heavy weight all the time, and am holding back the tears by avoiding thinking, which feels exhausting.
I feel i and am now just passing time for the rest of my life.
People talk about getting on with my life as dad would have wanted, but i have no desire to do anything other than get the day over with.
I am going on holiday with my husband soon, i used to love travelling, but i couldnt be less interested. I do feel guilty for being ungrateful, but I want to laugh at my old naive, carefree busy self - why was i bothering with all those things that i thought were important, was was the point?
Hi @Coz87 Im so sorry you’re going through this too, Although we all know it’s inevitable in life, nothing prepares us for how it actually feels. I’m a little bit further along than you, having lost my dad in January in what sounds like similar circumstances to you. But I can relate so much to what you wrote. Everything feels joyless, like I’m just dragging myself from day to day, going through the motions. The raw agony of the first weeks has faded, but the sadness is still there, like a black cloud. Dad loved the summer, so long sunny days bring new pain, and I find I’m constantly dwelling on the past when I felt “complete” and contented, that’s gone forever now. All we can do I suppose is get through each day and trust others when they tell us it gets better. I’m told it’s about a year before you can think of them and smile rather than cry, but that feels a long way away for me. Keep posting here when you’re struggling, this site has really helped me. Take care and be kind to yourself. Jack x
Thanks for your reply. Its terrible isnt it? Although i dont want anyone else to feel like i do, it is comforting to hear that I’m not the only one. I also know others who have suffered worse and seem to manage to recover, so i know i will get better, its just much harder than expected and the torment feels endless, i want to go to sleep and wake up and its all better
Hi I am so sorry you are both going through this too, I lost my dad on November 2nd, after a 5 week stint in hospital, he was 75 and I just cannot get over that I will never see him again, I am struggling to get up in the morning and I am constantly in tears, I completely get how you are feeling, the pain is such a physical pain. Just getting through the day is progress. I have to force myself to get up and go to work. I feel like I am walking around in a huge fog.
Hi, I can completely relate to everything you’ve all said. My Mum died in January and I thought I was managing the devastating grief reasonably well. However nearly four months on I feel as if I have lost heart in everything! I’m on autopilot and nobody checks in on me to ask how I am. I guess everyone assumes I’m okay. I’m not actually sure how to get through this fog of grief that I feel surrounds me. Thanks for sharing though, as it’s reassuring to know others feel similar pain. Xx
Thanks everyone, its tough isnt it? I think the only thing we can all do is just keep going, we dont have any other choice. its just such a shame that our lives that we knew them are gone. People say that life carrying grief is hard, i never realised how hard. I assumed you felt sad for a while then felt better, but i don’t think that anymore. I grieve not only for my dad but also for my old self. I feel sorry for my husband who now has to live with a different wife, one he didnt choose, as im not the same person at all, and dont know if i ever will be. Although he may be relieved- I was always wanting to go places and do things, he may be glad of the rest!