Getting use to life

My husband of 25 years passed a month ago
Life is very hard everyday
One of the things I am finding difficult is living on my own
This last month is the longest I have lived on my own
We had the kids to look after then when they grew up it was just myself and Ian
Now it’s just me and my pets
I do have a very supportive family and friends . But it’s the feeling once that door is shut on a night that’s it just me
It’s really hard to get used to only buying food for one
Even making a meal I think what’s the point there’s only me
Every one feels like aday
My very insensitive friend asked me if I wanted to go on holiday with her her words were you can go on hoilday and nights out because your single now
I coudnt believe what she said I told her yeah I’m single but not by choice!
I haven’t spoke to her since
We have been friends for 40 years

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@Dotty666 hi dotty it is so hard without them the emptiness loneliness and the longing for them I’m sorry your friend said that it is insensitive and we are not single we are widowed single is something we choose we didn’t and never would choose this I haven’t cooked for myself yet I usually grab a sandwich when I’m out I’m glad that you have support from your family stay safe take care sending hugs

Hello, I agree that coming home to an empty house and evenings are very hard to get use to. I got a cat which means that there is always some one waiting but evenings can still get to me.
Early in my journey I told my sister that I would be getting a double bed instead of singles which had been because of my husbands medical problems. Her reaction was to ask who I would be sharing it with and I nearly hit her. Yes, insensitive and thoughtlessness, we do have to turn the other cheek but you never forget. Life does get better but our loved ones are always with us and sometimes I think he’s there in my double bed. S xxx

Hi Casey
Thankyou for your message and support
You take care
Hugs
Marie x

Hi Susie
I’m so sorry for your loss
I am absolutely stunned what your sister said !!
I don’t blame you getting a new bed sometimes by changing and freshening up things helps a little bit , because it is something we have the power to change
We can’t change our loved ones not been here
Take care
Hugs
Marie x

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Marie, yes I was and still shocked but it’s what some people think off. I have changed things around and redecorate but other things I don’t want to touch and from reading others post it’s what we do unless we move house. It is advised not to do to much until after 2 years and I think it’s right because before that your head is not in the right place. The love we had, is still there and for me it always will be and from what you wrote it will be for you. Bless you. S xxx

Hi Marie,

Just to add that I will never consider myself as single…I am a married lady whose husband passed away three and a half years ago…we married in 1979 when I was 19. I carry him within my heart and talk to him constantly…sometimes I apologise for giving him earache. We were not blessed with a family…learning to live with the cards you are dealt with in life takes time…how long?…perhaps a life time.
I miss my beautiful husband…everything else doesn’t touch the surface. I know you will find your own peace in your own time…be true to yourself and look after you. With my kindest wishes, :rainbow: xx

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Hi rainbow
I’m so sorry for your loss
Thank you for your message
Everything you say is true. I’m a married woman always will be I’m very proud to be a married woman
The day we married was the best day of my life
On that day I would never have thought things would end up like this.
We were suppose to grow old together . I’m miss him so much
On a rainy Sunday like this we would have had Sunday lunch then snuggled up on the sofa and watched a movie
I just can’t get my head around things like that will never happen again or breaks my heart :sob::sob::sob:

Take care
Marie xx

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Thanks for the reply to my message Marie and your kindness. We would have spent today just the same. Maybe a little lie in given the night before. I try not to go too deeply down memory lane. Thankfulness plays a part, for what we had…and for our love. Always reading on here and I’m not too far away from you, :rainbow:xx

Thankyou so much x

Is t it interesting how people say things without thinking?
Yes , I have had people telling me I should go dating, also been told that now I am free , and that I can travel whenever I want
People are insensitive, they probably don’t realise what they are saying
Sadie

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Dear Marie

I have stopped making excuses for the insensitive comments. I usually ask people to say nothing because there is nothing that they can say which will help. I can understand your reaction to your friends comments. One of my friends rang me on 17 May and said “now that lockdown is starting to ease we are going to have a night out in Town so your invited”. I flatly said no and she was quite taken aback and asked me to reconsider. I was and continue to be so disappointed and saddened because I thought that person knew me well and would understand that a pub-crawl is not what I need - the offer of meeting for a chat would have been more helpful. Needless to say I have not rang her and she has not been back in contact and this tells me everything.

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Hi Sheila
I have been told by counsellors that we should say what we want - which can be a challenge because sometimes we don’t know what we want
Sadie x

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I understand what the counsellor is highlighting. At the moment I just want a friend to talk to when I need to talk and that just is not happening because they are all busy with their own lives. When I try to call and do not get a reply I usually receive a text saying ‘busy at the moment will call you later/tomorrow’ and I just go back ‘no problems’ when really it is a huge problem because I am in melt-down. Also just a bit company for a chat or a coffee would be great as life is so lonely now. I have suggested these but again for the most part never hear back.

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Sheila,
When you feel comfortable, I am more than happy to talk. I may not be a family or a friend, but I can empathise and I’m a good listener

Hi Sheila
Hope you ok ? I know what you mean about people the last thing we need is to be around alot of people drinking and been loud
Would be nice if you wanted to meet up for a coffee some time I’m not far away
Marie x

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Dotty666,
Hope u don’t mind me replying to your post. It’s 1.20am and I’m wide awake. I guess losing people and insomnia go hand in hand.
James x

Hi James
I don’t mind I’m the same some nights
I just don’t have any routine I just don’t know what I want from one hour to the next
My latest thing that’s on my mind is shall I move I’m really unhappy here but then in a different way I’m happy here
I just don’t know about everything

Marie x

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Marie,
I totally understand. When u still have loved ones on your mind, it’s difficult to rationalise and prioritise what’s necessary. Judgement becomes cloudy.
Only advice I can give is go on gut feeling.
In a selfish way I’m glad you’re still awake so we can chat
James x

Hi Sheila - totally understand about friends. I find it strange the number of people who said after I was bereaved that they would invite me round for coffee if it were not for Covid restrictions. No restrictions now - and no invitations either. I’d love to sit and chat to people about how I’m feeling and managing this new way of life - but no one only my daughter is interested. I certainly wouldn’t want to go on a pub crawl. People can be so insensitive. Take care x

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