Going back to work after major bereavment

I am going back to work tomorrow after death of best friend/partner on 31 July. I am terrified, currently experiencing panic and anxiety symptoms, People at work know of bereavement but I don’t have anyone I would consider a “friend” so I have not been in touch with anyone since being signed off, any suggestions on how to deal with panicky symptoms. These are made worse by me having to write to coroner today about my friends time in hospital for the enquest in her death in December. I tried to start writing something at 6am and felt overwhelmed with grief and a s nose of having failed her terribly.

My partner died on 30th june and i am not even thinking of returning to work but know at some point i will have to. Your loss is only since july could you not go back to see your doctor and ask for more time to grieve for what you have lost ?
The pain of losing your partner is beyond words and you feel like your life has ended and the pain is unbearable. Please do re-consider about going back to work and take the time you need. There is no right or wrong way and if you feel work is right then do that but all i know is it is so important to look after yourself right now and let your friends and family he there for you. Take all the help you can get have you thought about counselling or attending a group? Reading posts on here may help because at least you dont feel so alone.
Kind wishes

Dear Carol,

Thank you, I went in for a couple of hours and agreed with my manager to try a phased return to work, so I’ll only go in for two days next week. This huge loss has left me so panicky and anxious I was worrying about losing my job or having my salary cut because I’d taken time off, and I couldn’t afford that. But my manager was understanding. I have thought of counselling, I have an appointment in two weeks time at a bereavement counselling service. But you are right the pain can feel so unbearable. Thank you for responding to my post,

Warm wishes,