I lost my partner on 17th August- just over 5 weeks ago. I moved house to a new area on 31st July. I was supposed to start a new job close to my new home at the end of August. Everything has changed. I am in a lot of pain, l cry a lot, I feel very sensitive to what people say and do and simple things seem like a challenge for me. I don’t feel ready to start work. I think because it’s a new job and new people it seems that much more difficult . I’m scared of starting it and then not being able to cope. On the other hand my current income is very little as it’s just ESA I’m getting and I probably could do with some routine. I would be grateful to hear others’ experiences. Thanks
Work was the best thing I did, but I had been there and have support there.
Routine and structure are also good. If you don’t start, there is the risk you will never start. You could start and go sick if you find you can’t cope. The choice has to be yours but work for me was a good distraction.
Thank you for your reply, Ali. Do you mind me asking how soon after did you return to work?
I was 4 months after. Took 5 weeks for funeral and wasn’t doing anything before then and because I work in a school there were school holidays in between
Thanks Ali. In the last few days I made a decision to apply for a maternity leave post with my old employer at a different base which is closer to my new home. I know all the staff there and I would have the same line manager. The commute will be 15 mins longer each way but I need the familiarity. I need people who knew me before . I need compassion. I will get that with them. I have a very good chance of getting this post as my line manager had suggested me transferring there when I told her I was leaving. I will have to inform the enployers I was supposed to start with that I’m not coming.
Hopefully like yourself, the routine will be good for me. Thank you.
That’s sounds perfect. Good luck. I hope it helps you turn a corner x
This is what I am hoping for. I will be going back next week since my family will all have gone home and I don’t want to be alone at home. I know it’s only been a week and a half, but I need my routine to help fill this void. I pray it’s a good distraction. I am also going back to the gym and seeking out support groups. If I am busy all day, then I’ll be too exhausted to not sleep. Fingers crossed.
Be careful, all that distraction so soon may be your enemy. We can’t avoid this pain, you must walk through it or it will come back and bite you big time.
There’s distraction and there’s complete avoidance, which isn’t healthy. It took 5 months for me to return to work.
I’m not saying don’t do it, but listen to your body and allow yourself to accept the grief when it hits because it will and it has to come out, one way or another, you can’t avoid it.
I’m 8 months in now and in such a better place. I still get bitten now and again but I have a life. My partner is always in my thoughts and I’m always talking about him or to him but life moves forward and we have to go with the flow.
Good luck going back.
So sorry for your loss.its early days for you.l am now 11 Months in.but l worked 2 days a week throughout.& for me it was the right thing to do as l love my job & it gave me a routine.& my friends used to pop in to make sure.l was alright.also it gave me time to grieve & process my feelings.which is very important that we go through the pain & try & come out the other side stronger as there is no other way around it if we want to move forward.Good luck & be kind to yourself.Sending you love & light XX