Going insane

My name is “Ian” my dad was called “Norman” I am 65 in March and was my dads carer from 2014 until he went into care (respite 1st) in July 2020 and in October of the same year he went into permanent care at Callands, Warrington. Cheshire (they did their best). During his period in both homes I was restricted in visitation, 1st through the window’s (in respite) and then for over 8 months no visits at Callands (they offered at one period through the window but he couldn’t hear me and tried to stand up causing me to shout and hence more stress, then tablet Skype talking and he couldn’t hear or me see me and hold the tablet (again more stress) My dad (Norman) went from a healthy 138kgs to 62kgs he went from sitting and communicating, to being bed bound and talking in mostly single word replies. I saw him off walking (with help) talking normal, the next time I got to visit he was bed ridden. He had vascular dementia but he never lost his awareness. He said to me and I quote "he wants to die as his life now is terrible " and I (his son let him down and watched him die in so much distress). When allowed, I visited daily but had to reduce it to 3 times a week (for my own sanity)

During this period I had to get his flat empty but for the 3 months whilst he was in respite they (social services) wouldn’t let me start emptying his home as it would make him homeless (he was a terrible horder) and only when he went into a permanent home could I start and it took me 3 months all day everyday (as my back was bad) I had no help (due to covid) to empty his sheltered accommodation flat. During this period I was hounded to get it emptied and carers allowance have said that I owe them a refund of £900.00 + due to me only ending my claim after I emptied his flat in December 2020 (I have appealed for a mandatory reconsideration but they are still taking money from me and the appeal is still ongoing since February2021)

About me!

Going back In July 2020 my Dad (Norman) had his 11th fall whilst trying to visit me (I would pick him up and take him to mine everyday for the whole day as his home was impossible and he wouldn’t let me make it livable) he fell back and as he was on the step of my flat and there was sharp concrete behind I caught him and broke his fall and really hurt my back, I waited for 25 minutes for an ambulance to come and pick him up, all the time supporting him off the concrete (I wasn’t strong enough to pick him up as he was a big man)

My life was just about keeping a promise to my mum (she died in 2014) to look after dad, my back has and is getting progressively worse. The doctor firstly diagnosed sciatica and recently after an MRI, Osteoarthritis. I can’t walk far, bend over, my hands and knees are painful and to be honest I am at the end.

I’m alone and can’t talk to anyone (not my style) and to be fair I am very p…d off with the contemped and distrussed I have been treated with.

Whilst I was going through this the Prime minister I voted for treated my dad and me with total distain having parties and telling blatant lies.

But I degress, I don’t want a reply I just wanted to vent.


Hi Ian, I know you didn’t want a reply, but I felt I needed to, you have been through such an awful time, with it would appear not a lot of support, I remember when my father died, we were given 2 weeks to clear out his flat, the council don’t seem to have any compassion, hopefully you will get support from this site, sending hugs Jude xx

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