Going places

I lost my husband about 7 months ago and I am still finding it hard to cope.My brother has just suggested that I might like to go away for a week with his family,I just feel I can’t do it as I would feel that my husband should be with me.The place suggested also has some very poignant memories for me.I appear to be coping and seem normal but I’m really not.It’s really lovely of him to suggest it and he feels I might benefit from being away but I know I won’t.Am I wrong to think this way?

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Hi Sweetie,
I went away for a few days last year with my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren and their dog. It was only 5 months after Doug had died. Like you I wasn’t sure, but I knew Doug would have wanted me to go.
I actually enjoyed it, and I had fun and even laughed being with the grandchildren, even though I missed Doug being with us.
I have to be honest, when we came home it was hard to adjust to just me being in the house on my own. But I’m glad I went, it was nice to just feel normal for a while.
Now 16 months on I’m going again with them, we are going to Cornwall and will visit the place where I scattered his ashes last year.
Debbie X

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Thank you Debbie57,I’m pleased that you were able to do what you would call normal things and I am trying.I am having lunch with my 2 brothers and their wives next week and I will enjoy it.I just don’t feel ready to go away without my husband,I know he would want me to go but the place we might go to holds too many memories for me.At the moment I need to be where I feel he is close by.I think I may feel differently in time.Maybe the difference between yourself and me is that you have children and grandchildren and I don’t,you have a tangible connection to your husband which I’m guessing must be of comfort to you.It’s such a difficult time and everyone copes in different ways.It’s nice to have people’s feedback so you don’t think you’re going mad.

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Your right Sweetie, I do have a connection, when we were away Doug was never far from our thoughts and we would often say dad would have done this or that.
I hope you enjoy lunch with your brother’s and family. I sure you will know when the time is right to venture on holiday.
Debbie X

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Hello,sorry for your loss,I’d just like to say I was unsure about going away ,I’m in a similar position,I’m on my own having lost my wife of 28 years in may……
My brother has suggested going with him and his girlfriend for a week away and after having said no,I’m now going to go,the boredom I face every day now,the loneliness is dreadful……yet I know it’s not going to go away……we have to rebuild,very,very,very slowly a new life,even ifs it’s just existing,it’s a new and different life……one that no one on here ever wanted……but we’ve been dealt it and we really have to do our best,for our loved ones……take care

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Please go with them and try to enjoy yourself do not feel guilty.all the best

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I do not feel guilty about going away as I know my husband would approve.I have been away with family members and because my emotions are still very near the surface it was quite an ordeal.I am beginning to come to terms with things and I don’t mind the occasional days out,but going away for any length of time I don’t feel I want to do at the moment.I am making baby steps towards a different life which I never wanted but I feel I need to do it at my own pace.

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I decided very early on that I wouldn’t shy away from anything because of the potential for arousing the emotions when I think of Penny.
So I just did these things, and faced it, and had a good cry and thought of her while I did it. I found that doing it was cathartic, I healed my grief very quickly. I figured out if I avoided everything, the grief would hang on and on and on.
Reality is far less trouble than fear, I could have hidden behind the settee and peered out as life passed me by but I refused. She would hate me
My favourite picture of Penny was of her sitting in a chair outside a restaurant in Anglesey. I had to go back to Anglesey to collect my caravan about 3 weeks after her death, and made a special effort to go to the same restaurant and see that chair. It wasnt as bad as you imagine. I had a little tear over a pint.
The ghosts have been dispelled, and don’t haunt me.

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