Going through the motions

I lost my father three months ago to covid. He was my best friend…we chatted throughout the day every day even though he lived on another continent. I took 6 weeks off from work and now I’ve been back at work for just over a month. I smile and I laugh but it doesn’t feel genuine. I get my work done but my heart isn’t in it. I feel like I’m just going through the motions, participating in my life but not really living it if that makes sense. Does anyone else feel this way? When does it get easier? When will I find joy in things again?

Dear Tenzel,

I felt like that for a long time after my dad died (4 years ago) and again after my mum died. Like your dad, my parents lived in another country but we had long phone calls at least twice a week. My dad would usually phone me and one of my sisters on Wednesday evenings, when my mum had a games night with some neighbours and I still miss those calls. My sister and and decided to phone each other instead, and we have been doing this ever since. We both look forward to our weekly phone calls. I always loved my job but like you, it was no longer the same, for a long time my heart was not in it. It will get better, and you will find joy again in things. When this will happen is hard to say because each person is different. I think that some of it depends on how much support you have from family or friends. Do you have someone you can share your feelings with? I hope that you find it helpful to read the posts and replies on this site.


sorry to hear about your father. I lost my husband 3 years ago on 28th May and even though it has got more bearable and I have great support from friends and family juust do not know when I will recover from this. Hope you are getting support x