Going to counselling

I called in to my GP surgery the other day to show the girls my memorial ring, one of the receptionists asked if I was getting grief counselling and if I wanted it, anyway I’ve got an appointment with a counsellor on Tuesday next week.

Maybe it will help me come to terms with the loss of my beloved fiance but in a way I’m not sure I want to I miss him terribly.

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Hi Vikki12,
I lost my wonderful soulmate 14 weeks ago, I phoned Cruse and they have put me on a 3 month waiting list for counselling, like you I’m a bit unsure, I have no idea what to expect as have never been in this situation before, it’s so hard.
I have never felt so low in my whole life.
I hope you don’t mind me asking about your memorial ring, I would really like to get one but there are so many different companies, and options I don’t know where to start and would appreciate a recommendation.
So sad to have to ask this when, Pete had told me he was planning a very special proposal for me.
Life can be so unfair
Muldool

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Hi , I lost my twin sister In December 2020 I didn’t talk to anyone just bottled everything up , then last November I had to get help so I had counselling which as helped me a lot to talk about her , I’m also on antidepressants and sleeping tablets which as help me im more my self , maria

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Hello muldool, Vicki and all
I lost my darling partner Sunny 8 months ago in June 2021, he was only 57 and we were just getting everything on track. So much loss- of our future hopes and dreams, his talents and all that he had left to give, our compatability and love for each other. Everything that’s happened I won’t share here but its like a horrifying Greek tragedy.
I booked a counselling assessment with SR counselling and soon after that had my six sessions over a few weeks. I’d never had counselling before and was anxious but I must say that my counsellor was wonderful- warm, kind, validating of all my feelings, empathic, understanding. She just GOT it. For me, she made me feel free to say what I needed to and it helped to calm down my racing brain. Some of her words have stayed with me and helped me manage day to day since then. Hope you get something positive from your counselling- I feel sure you will.
With love, Sophie x

Hi Sophie, thank you so much for sharing that, I am nervous about counselling.
Its 100 days today since I lost my darling Pete, my family and friends have been great but there are xo many horrible things going round in my head and I don’t feel I can share them with people close to me, I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I get so upset and don’t want them to worry.
I overheard my Mum on the phone the other day saying that I was doing great. Little does she know I am falling apart.
I live alone now and I have Petes Mum, Dad and sister near by but my family are a 3 and a half hour drive away.
I hope I get my appointment for counselling soon as I’ve just spent a very lonely weekend and my heart is just aching for my love, he always made me feel safe, happy and content and I really miss his hugs.
I’m 60 and my beloved Pete was 59 and like you we had our whole future planned.
Your message has given me some hope, thanks again

Muldool. x

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Yes I’ve had people saying that “You’re doing really well” and you feel that you’re putting on a front for other people and actually taking care of their feelings rather than your own. People mean well and I am grateful but they don’t understand the way our hearts are ripped to shreds.
I know people who roll their eyes at their partners behind their backs for whatever little irritation, and I think “you have no idea how lucky you are!”
As you say, it’s the touch, the hugs, the little sweet compliments he paid me, those intimates which we take for granted.
Don’t be anxious about counselling- you’ll get to know each other over a couple of sessions and you’re free to say whatever you need to with total acceptance and no judgements being made about your feelings.
Good luck
Sophie x

I lost my husband last August, very suddenly at 48. I had some counselling with SR last year and it was very helpful, to offload all your doubts and worries and guilt with someone who is not part of my grief was much needed. My counsellor was also wonderful and so warm and friendly. I have some more booked through my work to start tomorrow as my occupational health nurse asked for it before I return to work. Xx

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That is so true, Pete was so tactile and was always holding my hand, a friend of mine actually remarked recently that on every photo Pete and I were always touching, and that closeness is something I really miss, he really was my rock.
We really complimented each other because I’m quite an anxious person whereas he was so laid back and calm, I had always worried something would happen to him, he would say " nothing is going to happen to me, we are going to grow old together" and then it did!
I just miss everything about him.
Take care

Muldool x

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Thanks for your reply Lilyboat, I also lost Pete very suddenly and unexpectedly and am still in shock.
So many unanswered questions, I have been told his official death certificate is in the post, apparently it was a massive heart attack but je was a fit man who looked after his health and this was totally out of the blue.
You have given me hope that things can improve, at the moment I wouldn’t be able to deal with going back to work as keep breaking down, even in front of strangers, I get so overwhelmed and it’s very embarrassing for me and the other person as I can hardly string a sentence together. It ac feels like a panic attack.
I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare.
You are a bit further in you journey than me and so your words give me hope.
Thanks for your help
Muldool x

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Yes Sunny’s death was very sudden in June last year and he was 57. He was the love of my life. I’m starting to turn some corners in terms of my ability to function and think of the future, but I’ve got a core of great sadness that will never leave me. There are so many losses inside the main loss of our partners aren’t there? For me it’s the loss of my own identity as part of a couple, loss of physical love & affection that is just so unique and that you just cannot get from a huggy child or a dog or cat. Also the loss of our little plans for the future. Mostly it’s about a sense of belonging and acceptance. We had no children either so that’s a very hard thing for me too. I guess I will just keep trudging on through my little life and hope for some happiness in the future.
Thanks for reading and love to all
Sophie x

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I’m so sorry for your loss I hope this poem brings you some comfort, ask your GP surgery if they do counselling or can point you in the right direction to get some

The memorial ring is from Everwith, they were amazing they sent me the collection pack with the catalogue I actually ordered it through their website but needed the pack to be able to send the ashes.
There is a selection of jewellery to choose from in a variety of colours.
They said because I had choose a gold ring it would take 6-8 weeks however it came earlier than expected and arrived on valentines day which was significant as it was my first one since my fiance passed away. They say the silver jewellery comes within days.
The catalogue will come within 24 hours. There are other companies that do this they all are around the same price and have similar items.

Thank you Vikki, I have looked at ever with and will go with them.
Pete and I had talked about getting married and he said he was going to propose when I least expected it, so I will wear my ring on my wedding finger.
Many thanks
Muldool.

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I proposed to Barry in 2008 as it was a leap year he said yes but we hadn’t married as yet we didn’t have engagement rings but I wear my memorial ring as our engagement ring


It’s in green his favourite colour. I hope you get as much comfort in the ring you choose as I get in mine.

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Wow, that is so beautiful!
Must be nice to know you will always have him close.
I must get my ordered ASAP.

Muldool x

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I have received my Everwith package, after the funeral this week, once I get N’s ashes I will be placing an order. I am hoping that my ring arrives in time for what would have been our 7th anniversary. We were a long time together before either of us was ready for that final step, engagement in November 2006, marriage in April 2015.