I have just come back from a family wedding and I broke down near the end of the evening with the strain ofkeeping up with appearances.My brother thinks that as I now have shown that I can cope with the event that I should go to other things to do with the family.I’ve tried to explain that my feelings are very near the surface and anything can upset me.I know that people know the circumstances so will make allowances,but it is stressful for me to be in that situation.My other brother has a 70th birthday early June and I have told my older brother that I won’t be going as it will be difficult to get there and I don’t want to put myself through the stress of pretending I am okay,Am I wrong to think this way as I was so tearful after the wedding?
Hello, personally I think you know what you can and cannot deal with and others may feel totally different. I had to attend a golden wedding party and like you I couldn’t deal with people and putting on that brave face. I got through the meal but back at their house I just had to give in and go home and I was told I was being selfish but I couldn’t stay.
Only do what you feel is right for you and please try not to worry what others say or do.
Look after no one Sxx
Thank you Susie123,I have said that I have to do what is right for me,and I cannot cope with large gatherings at the moment much as people feel I should be trying.They don’t see me when I close the front door and I’m on my own at night.I am not trying to cut myself off but it is so humiliating to break down in front of people,and I don’t want to make small talk with people I barely know.
Hi Sweetie, I also went to a friend’s 50th Wedding Anniversary party at the weekend. I can understand how difficult you found it at the wedding. I was in a room full of couples I just found it hard to mix and make conversation.
Made all the more worse when I was asked where my husband was and then kept apologising.
It was the first time I had been out, without my immediate family and it was difficult.
As Susie said, only do what is right for you.
Debbie X
Hi Debbie 57,it was incredibly difficult,because people kept saying how sorry they were for my loss,I had to tell them I couldn’t talk about it because it upset me.I think I may be better to just meet friends who understand, in a small group and to places where I am anonymous.That’s why I can talk on this site because nobody knows me and I can be honest about my feelings and ask for advice.My family just don’t understand although they try,they just want me to fill my days with things to take my mind off everything,but it doesn’t work like that unfortunately.I think this birthday will be stressful for me and I’ve said I’m not going and if people don’t like it it’s tough I’m afraid I have to think of myself at the moment.
Hi Sweetie that is why I am sticking to being with my immediate family and close friends only. You don’t have to explain anything to them and if I am quiet or just don’t want to talk they understand.
When people keeping say how sorry they are, I wish they wouldn’t say anything at all, it would easier all round.
Debbie X
Thank you Debbie for your support,I think I will do as you say and stick to close family and friends,I can be myself with them.I’m starting to understand what I need in my life and it’s not necessarily what other people think I need! xx