GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY WITHOUT MY BELOVED HUSBAND

It was our Golden Wedding anniversary on the 23rd September,2017 but my wonderful husband had died three years before. Our sons paid for me to go to Jersey in the Channel Islands and went with me to help me through the few days they knew I would be heartbroken about. We were away five days and when the day of our Golden wedding anniversary came, I just kept looking at my watch all the time, then it was 11 am, the time I walked down the aisle towards my young 21 year old fiance who became my husband of 47 years, the choir were singing, then as we left the church as husband and wife the church bells were ringing. I kept it together and tried not to cry but did not quite manage it.

When we got home and our sons went to their own homes I just broke down and sobbed my heart out. People ask when do we get over the death of our loved ones and my answer is never, you never get over it, you try and live with it but never get over it.

Think how pleased your lovely husband would be that your sons took you away. It is so hard sometimes I feel worse when I’m with my family and friends I suppose we know we have to come home and our loved ones are not here. My lovely husband died on 9/8/17 so I am still so raw and not wanting to accept it. I keep talking to his ashes and telling him off for not being here which I know he would want to be. I have never felt so bereft we were together over 46 years. Life is so unfair but we should be thankful for all our happy memories and times together but it is so hard as you well know. Take care and take pleasure from your caring family which is all we can do as we cannot unfortunately change what has happened to us. The only way I can describe how it feels is like something being ripped out of you. Thinking of you. Jo.

Hello Jo and thank you so much for your kind comments. I am so very sorry that you have lost your husband, it is such a terrible time you are going through and it will be for a long time to come. As you know it is three years for me and I can still burst into tears when I think about my husband as I miss him so much. My sons told me just after their dad died that he asked them to look after me when he had gone and they promised they would. They have both kept that promise right from the start and I am so proud of them and so would there dad be. 46 years for you and 47 years for me is a long time to have loved and lived with someone. My husband was only 18 years old when we met, a little more than a child himself and we grew old together. We never thought that when we met, fell in love and got married that the day would ever come that one of us would not be here, it never crossed our minds. I talk to my husband’s ashes every day they are there waiting for me to die then our sons will scatter them together in a place we chose. It is true what you have said, when we lost our husbands they took our hearts with them. I love our children and grandchildren very much and I go out, see our family and live day to day but the life seems to have gone out of me, nothing is the same anymore. All I want is my husband back and I feel so very, very sorry for what you are now going through because this is just the start of the terrible pain you are feeling and though, over time, you do learn to live with it and go about your daily business, nothing will ever be the same again. I am so sorry. Love Sheila xx

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