I come from a broken family. My parents separated in 2006, and the divorce was finalised in 2011. It was a very messy divorce, and my parents weren’t exactly on good terms afterwards. Dad lived locally until around 2013 or 2014, when he moved to Ireland. My sister doesn’t have a relationship with my Dad, because she doesn’t get along with his new partner. Mum had a succession of relationships after separating from Dad, but they didn’t last. I had a very strong bond with one of Mum’s partners, and we used to go and stay at his house at the weekends, but he moved away after the relationship ended, and I haven’t heard from him for a very long time.
Mum, meanwhile, has had her own experiences. She’s never really had a relationship with her father (my Grandpa), and her relationship with Grandma (her mother, who had been divorced from Grandpa for about 40 years at the time of her death) was very complicated. She has always had a difficult relationship with my aunt (her sister).
I have a lot of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression and C-PTSD. Admittedly, there have even been times when I have self-medicated with alcohol – not that that actually made a difference. I think I was just trying in vain to remember my good times as a student, or when going to Ireland. But self-medicating with alcohol isn’t anywhere near as good as proper social drinking. I have since sought support to address my issues with alcohol, and although I do still drink, I have significantly reduced my consumption.
When Grandad died in 2016, Mum didn’t attend his funeral. My sister didn’t either, but that was more because she had something important at school. My sister, however, did have a relationship with Granny, and would often come with me to visit her, until Granny died in 2024. Mum decided to attend Granny’s funeral as well. Dad was also there, and he and Mum put their differences aside for a moment.
My parents did previously put their differences aside in 2018, when they helped me to move into my accommodation in Paris. This was my first time seeing them putting their differences aside in years. But other than that, they don’t normally see eye-to-eye – a classic example was in 2023, when I had an overly critical manager in my previous job and they couldn’t agree on how best to support me.
Then, also in 2023, Grandma fell ill, experiencing surgical complications, probably caused by a rare blood cancer that would ultimately cause her death. Mum’s relationship with my aunt just completely broke down during Grandma’s illness. Ever since Grandma died, Mum has decided not to have a relationship with my aunt at all. They’ve completely fallen out, probably for good.
Now that most of my grandparents have died, I’ve been watching my family drifting further and further apart. It’s painful to watch, but I don’t know how to handle it.
There are no words to adequately describe how much I miss Grandma. She helped me a lot growing up, and was a stabilising influence in my life right to the end. But this is part of a broader pattern of the world as I always knew it crumbling into dust.