I’ve only recently discovered this forum, and I want to express my heartfelt thanks to everyone here. Reading through your posts has been both inspiring and comforting. The kindness, sensitivity, and genuine understanding shared in this space have already made a meaningful difference to me.
I lost my beloved wife at the beginning of April. She passed away after an operation to remove a brain tumour caused a bleed. She had been living with breast cancer for five years, and it had sadly spread. We were together for 35 years—partners in every way, both in life and in work. We didn’t have a wide circle of friends because we were happiest in each other’s company.
So much of what I’ve read here resonates deeply. Emotionally, I feel like I’m falling apart. It’s as if I have a fractured mind, swinging from total emotional collapse to a numb, disconnected state—hitting every possible emotion in between: sorrow, fear, anxiety, heartbreak. I’ve never felt suicidal, but I’m no longer afraid of life ending the way I once was. These days, my default state is a quiet sob—sometimes I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel the tears.
I miss my wife in countless ways. Everything in this world reminds me of her. She was—and still is—my whole world. Everything I saw, did, or dreamed of was through the lens of our life together. I don’t know how to transition from that beautiful life to the empty space I find myself in now.
I know that no one can fix this—the one thing I truly need is the one thing I can’t have. But I still wanted to share, to say hello, and to thank you all for creating this space. It helps just to be among people who understand.
Warm wishes to everyone,
Jojay
Simon and I were together everyday loved each others company went everywhere together so we also had just a few friends that now 5 weeks on seem to be getting on with their lives of course they are a couple. My children invite to thing but feel like they are babysitting me and I sit as if i’m not really with them the joy has gone just want Simon he looked after me was a true gentleman. Sat alone in the garden we did together gosh it is quiet my heart goes out to you this is hard can’t see it getting better as we will always be missing our beautiful partner’s I totally understand
I am so sorry for your loss. If you want to vent I am here.
Hello Maxandlala2,
The loneliness is so awful isn’t it - and it is only the company of one person who you actually want.
I had a full day out yesterday - went into town with a friend to see an art exhibition. It was busy and a welcome distraction for a while. But as soon as I got home, the grief came flooding back, even stronger. It’s as if holding it at bay all day only made it more intense later.
@Jojay
Thank you for your post and I’m so sorry to read about your loss. You describe so well the situation we find ourselves in after the loss of a partner.
I lost my wife in December 2024 suddenly to a heart attack. She collapsed on the bathroom floor and, after dialling 999, I carried out CPR until help arrived. The paramedics were with us within minutes, I still don’t know how they did it, and after about half an hour managed to restore her pulse. She was blue lighted to hospital and straight into theatre to have two stents fitted. Sadly however, in spite of heroic efforts by all the medical staff, she died next day. We had been married for 48 years.
I was interested in your comment that, whilst not suicidal, you are no longer fearful of life ending. That describes my view exactly. My wife always said that she never wanted to be the one left behind, so here I am the last one standing! I was with her in the ambulance, in hospital and when she died. I have dealt with everything and hopefully she is proud of what I’ve achieved. I don’t really have any plans for this life at the moment, apart from somehow getting through each day, but in the next life I know my wife is waiting for me. I talk to her every day and I know she’s looking after me in this life so, after all the recent turmoil, I’m beginning to get occasional moments of peace.
Thank you once again.
Hello RJay,
Your experience sounds extremely shocking and traumatic. I believe I’ve suffered trauma as well from witnessing various incidents my poor wife had to endure - especially toward the end of her life, when she had to undergo difficult operations that often went badly. It broke my heart to see her go through such awful things, and now I find myself replaying those moments in my head over and over.
My mind torments me with these painful memories, and I’ve started seeking counselling in the hope of finding some relief. I’m desperate to find some peace, but reading others’ accounts is making me less optimistic about whether that’s truly possible.
Have you considered counselling yourself? I’m genuinely interested to know whether others have found it helpful.
Best wishes,
Hello Jojay,
In many ways I consider myself fortunate because so many people on this website have seen their partners go through traumatic illnesses.
My bereavement was shocking but sudden, I didn’t have time to worry about outcomes. It has taken some time to get over the shock of my new situation and to a certain extent I’m still working on it.
I haven’t considered counselling yet, partly because I’m told there is quite a long waiting list, but wouldn’t dismiss the possibility.
I suppose at the moment I’m drawing comfort from a spiritual approach to the meaning of life.
I’m nearly 7 months into this ghastly journey but I feel it’s still early days for you. Forget about the future, you will deal with that when it arrives, just concentrate on taking care of yourself now.
Keep posting on this website, it’s very therapeutic.
Oh my God I am so sorry for your loss.
How are you doing?
Hello Cat6,
Thanks for offering your support.
I’m really struggling. Every day feels like the same painful battle, and I miss her so much.
I met my wife when I was quite young, and I’ve spent all of my adult life with her. Now that she’s gone, I feel completely lost. I don’t know how to live without her. The grief is overwhelming, and my mind just can’t seem to come to terms with this wrenching loss.
Hi @Jojay. I’m sorry to hear about your wife and the pain of loss that most of us on this forum know all to well.
My husband died in his sleep in March. He was fit and healthy but died unexpectedly- the post mortem could not determine a cause of death so it was put as Sudden Adult Death Syndrome.
My heart breaks every day. Just the thought of spending life without ever seeing him is so painful. We were together 24 years and hoped for 24 more.
I also don’t fear dying as I once did. The part that made me whole and gave me ambition to follow my dreams was my husband.
What do I do now? Exist, for our teenage son, I suppose.
Warmest of hugs.
P
If you don’t mind me asking what happened?
How long ago?
My wife died beginning of April. My daughter and I were at her bedside when her life support was removed and we watched and waited while she died. Along with some other quite shocking experiences - I don’t think I’ll ever get over a trauma of this scale. It just seems too big for my brain to cope with and I sometimes feel close to a breakdown when I’m trying to digest it.
I’m not sure quite how to explain the feeling.
I know that feeling well.
What age is your daughter?
How is she doing?
My daughter is 28. She’s worried about me and grieving her mother, but she has the support of a good man. When I lost my parents, I was deeply sad - but I still had my brilliant wife, who supported me through everything. I could never have imagined a pain and sorrow as unbearable as this.
I sort of understand my son is 18 he doesn’t go out. You try to be strong for them then crumble when they don’t see
How long were you with your wife?
I was with my partner 21 years. I keep thinking how can I be a widow at 39.
It is really bizarre
We were together 35 years. Cancer came along 5 years ago and began to ruin everything. Took away all our hopes and dreams - but we still carried on. She was so brave and I tried had to be positive and encouraging but it’s so hard when things just keep getting worse. But we still had each other and we carried on - then the brain tumour hit us and I think we both knew it was the end of the road. The agony of that moment is still with me. I’m just distraught.
When I first found this support group I shied away I was looking for something positive that could pull me out of the depths of despair. But now I realise how helpful it is to just let out all the pain in a safe place where everybody else understands. Nobody can really help us fix this nightmare - but it helps to get some of it out.
I’m still in my 50’s and feel like the game’s up. I shuffle around the house and feel like an old man now. Broken. Lonely.
I hope you can find some peace soon x
I lost Declan 30 th April. I wish I could tell you it gets better. I don’t know. I am waiting for the bearable days. Chat to me if it helps.
Just vent let it out
Unfortunately everyone on this site is in a club that no one wanted to join.
Were you and your wife childhood sweethearts?
Oh I get that. I am 2 years in now from losing my dear Jay. He passed away on the 23rd June 2023. Next weekend (12th July) marks his funeral weekend when we finally said goodbye. We were all one another really needed as well and didn’t have a huge circle of friends. We did in our courting days though some 40 odd years ago when we used to go around in a group of couples but like everything else things change and people move on and it ended up just the two of us. Now I don’t really know where I belong. I need to think now about socialising because I know if I go somewhere I will be like a spare part where I was part of a couple and need to just tag along. Jay was my saftey net in those situations I am a very quiet and introverted person and he was I wouldn’t say loud but had one of those voices you heard him before you saw him. He would talk to anybody and everybody and I would just sort of hover in the background. He was a very private person too though and like me just preferred his own company a lot but would go out of his way to help anyone. So now I’m just mum and gran. I look after my older sister too she has mild learning difficulties she lives on her own in sheltered accomodation and can do for herself to an extent but needs me for other things. She sometimes has no incentive to do things for herself and I feel she expects me to be there for her. She too had a cancer diagnosis or both breast and bowel cancer but came through them both and now she is waiting on an operation for a heart valve replacement. I was at hospital with her recently for her to have tests to make sure her heart is ok and that arteries haven’t narrowed or other nasties are lurking but everything is fine and now its just the wait for the op to happen. I too am pleased I found this forum I think all places like this are good to come to when you feel like this. I still have family nearby too so I suppose I am lucky in a way. My son, daughter in law and little granddaughter live not far from me and I am to become a granny again in November as my daughter in law is expecting her 2nd. My little granddaughter is over the moon that she is to be a big sister and she starts school next month (August). This was something Jay wanted to see but unfortunately cancer had other ideas for that. I wish you all well on your bereavement journeys and moving forwards.
Vicky.
I still don’t sleep and cry all the time it is so distressing