Grief getting worse

I lost my husband of 38 years in October. We worked together and were never apart day or night .
Despite the best efforts of dear friends and family the sadness gets worse every day, I say a little prayer every night that I won’t waken up in the morning and will be back with him again.

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I feel for you so much and truly I know how hard it is. I lost my husband on the 29th of October. He was 56. I live in hope that we will be reunited one day, at times I think the sooner the better then I also think about how hard these last few weeks have been for me and my sons and I wouldn’t purposely want to put them through that again. I think that’s the only thing that’s keeping me here. No one can fully understand how we are feeling until they have been in our shoes and I would not wish that hurt on anyone. I feel lost, confused, sad I think every emotion possible all rolled into one. Try and stay strong and knowing that there are people feeling as you do may you not feel so alone. Even me writing these words I feel I am also writing them to myself.

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I’m sorry for your loss I lost my husband too in august, know that you’re not alone, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions take each day at a time and look after yourself sending hugs xx

Thank you Nicola for replying .
I am sorry to hear about your loss too.
I feel it is only people that are in the same position that really know how we feel .
I miss my husband so much and can’t imagine how I can carry on without him.
I am just about to lose my stepdaughter too as she has a terminal illness and is very ill.
I just feel there is no point in life anymore.

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Thank you MAB

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There are no words that can replace what we have lost, people freinds family try but I will never be the same, please stay strong your having such an awful time at the moment. I want to just hug you and help you carry some of your pain.

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Thank you so much Nicola . Sending virtual hugs to you

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Dear Jess 54, I lost my husband in November. we were also married for 38 years. I understand your pain. I just want him back. I can’t go and be with him because I have seen how hard his passing has been on our adult children, I don’t want to put them through any more sorrow. It is difficult to look to the future when all your plans and expectations have gone.
Like you, we did everything together. No one really knows how hard it is unless the have experienced it for themselves.
I am used to knowing I am loved, valued, safe and protected. I am used to having someone to talk to and share everything with. I am used to having someone to dream with, plan for the future with and to share years of memories with. This has all gone.
I am trying to be grateful for the love I have had. Some people never experience this, but it is hard to move on from.
I reach out to, and send hugs to anyone who finds themselves in our position.

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I lost my wife 5 weeks ago. It happened suddenly and unexpectedly in front of me. I could do nothing to bring her back. I talked to her but she just grunted a couple of times. The paramedics tried but couldn’t do anything either. We had been married just short of 44 years and had no family. My wife had suffered Multiple Sclerosis which first appeared age 25 two years after our marriage. In 2012 my wife was diagnosed with cancer and underwent 5.5 hours of surgery. My wife was cut from ear to ear and all lymph glands removed to prevent any possible spread. My wife died from unconnected not known heart problem - thrombosis, myocardial infarction and acute heart failure.

I am lost without her and like you say prayers before sleep asking not to wake up. I am finding it extremely difficult consumed by guilt of different types which people tell me is normal. I keep seeing my wife in distress and the aftermath of being worked on by the paramedics. I have had some very dark thoughts. I had a counselling session (not via sue ryder) but all I did was tell the story again to a stranger. Not helpful.

I hope things improve for you. It seems there are a lot of us experiencing similar problems. So relieved I read I am not alone but sorry all of us are experiencing this mental torture: Take care and look after yourself. Like my wife your husband would say the same I’m sure.

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I feel for you deeply, I’m so so sorry. After spending the last 32 years with my husband I’ve still yet to come to terms with never seeing him again. I never saw him again after he left for work on the 29th of October 2021. It comforts me (probably the wrong word to use) to know that my thoughts and feelings are not uncommon. I feel the only reason I’m still here is that firstly I have now seen what this has done to our sons and secondly is that I now have a 6 year old grandson who we gained custody of in July 2021, so I have no choice but to carry on. If I could disappear without causing harm to others I would do so in an instant. But I can’t. My thoughts and my love are with everyone of you on here as I now know truly what a broken heart feels like.

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I think it’s quite normal that we would have such dark thoughts because we just want to be with our soulmates but you’re right we just have to shoulder the burden of grief and carry on for our families and somehow try to honour their memory however hard to bear, thinking of everyone on this sad journey xx

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Hi Sky
Oh my goodness, I could have written this!
I know exactly what you mean about sharing everything and trying to be grateful for what we both had - but it doesn’t make it any easier!
My husband died a year ago this month - we were married for over 42 years - he was my soul mate.
Send love and hugs to you xx

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Hello Rho
Thank you for your message. I am sorry that we seem to be part of some awful club that I never applied to join.

I am sure the anniversary of your husbands passing must be awful for you, bringing back memories of the day it happened.

I am feeling so lost and lonely at the moment. I still can’t really believe what has happened. Its so hard making decisions and dealing with things without talking it over with him.

I don’t sleep very much, I keep going over and over what happened and worrying about what comes next.

You are further on in this journey, are you finding the pain lessons as time goes on? I do hope so because I am finding it totally exhausting, frightening and all consuming at the moment.

Sending hugs to you, Sky

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Hi Sky
I am taking it one day at a time!
I was furloughed at the beginning of Covid and decided to retire in August 2020 (63) so we had March - January together. I am so glad I did as my husband wasn’t taken poorly until November.
I have gone back to work part time as I was getting very down being at home during the winter on my own. It has helped me tremendously and given me a purpose …… and some extra money.
I am very lucky as I have 3 grown up married children and 7 grandchildren which helps.
Nothing helps the “home alone” feeling though!
Like you, I have lost my soul mate and I miss the banter, the hugs and just holding hands or snuggling up on the sofa.
Unfortunately, unless someone has experienced it they really don’t understand - I certainly didn’t!
Things will get better!
Sending a huge hug!!
Xx

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Hi Rho, it’s nice to hear from you, I hear a spark of positivity in your message. I love that you say you are lucky to have your children and that work is giving you purpose.

I miss my husband more than I can say but I am also trying to acknowledge every good thing that happens to try and help me. I am so lucky to have my children. I am a carer for one of them. He needs me and lives at home with me so I am not alone.

I am keeping very busy all day but find the nights to be long. I hope things will get better.

Sending hugs to you

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Hi Sky
Like we all do - I have good days and bad days!
I always thought I would be the one to go first although Col was 7 1/2 years older! I certainly never thought I would be here alone!
He proposed 6 days after our first date, I said yes and the rest is history!
We had so many plans for when I retired - I am only glad that we didn’t leave them all til then.
In 3 months our lives changed forever! This is certainly not what we had planned - we hoped to grow old together.
The kids and grandchildren are helping tremendously! Without them I don’t think I would be here now as there wouldn’t be much to live for.
I am so pleased that you have children, too.
We have to carry on, Sky, as that is what they would have wanted. Col was my first and only love and that will never leave me.
Big hugs to you! Xx

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Thank you for your story and it is a bit of comfort to know we are not alone with our grief .
I was lucky that my husband just slept away unlike your poor wife. That must have been so hard for you.
Each day just gets harder as I feel my husband gets further away from me .
I just long to be with him .
Take care and thank you everyone that has commented on my post it is very much appreciated.
Jess

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I lost my husband seven months ago I can’t believe I’ve lived this much without him here, I was just pondering how my grief has changed through the months mainly because I’m feeling so very low and my heart feels so heavy I think I’ve accepted that I’ll never see him again and I no longer call for him to come back as I’ve realised this is never going to happen either, I have flashbacks of lovely times we’ve had and it’s unbearable to think it’s all over and I’m trying to go to the gym see friends and family who are all great but I feel I’m carrying this huge weight around with me and it’s exhausting and so depressing, I feel like I’m watching me in slow motion I don’t know if anyone else feels like this? grief is has no mercy and is relentless hugs to everyone xx

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I lost my wife in October 2021 and I feel exactly the same way as you do.
We were together 24 years.
I knew it would be a struggle but never knew it be this hard to bear.
The morning are brutal.

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Why is it the mornings are the worst. I feel so drained and exhausted i suppose sometimes we have awoken and it all starts again. Your right it’s brutal

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