Grief is so confusing

Coping with bereavement
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One minute you’re fine, the next you’re falling apart over something so small.
It feels like healing and breaking all at the same time.
You laugh and then feel guilty for it.
You cry and then you wonder why it still hurts this much.
Grief is so confusing.
You want to move forward but you don’t ever want to let go.
You long for a sense of peace, yet you cling to the pain because it’s the last thing you have of them.
It doesn’t make sense and maybe it never will because maybe grief isn’t meant to be understood. Maybe it’s just there to remind us of the irreplaceable people we were lucky enough to have.

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How true that is. I thought it was just me that felt like that. Well said.

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So true, sadly

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Well put what a rollercoaster of emotions

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It is so true. I thought it was me and my way of grieving but im not going mad…well my Elizabeth always said I was crazy..

Thankyou for saying what I always felt.

Sending :people_hugging: hugs to you all. X

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Someone told me that “grief is love turned upside down.”

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I agree. My mum died a couple of weeks before Christmas. I have been up and down, but recently entered a more settled phase. But then the sun came out for the first time in weeks yesterday with lovely blue skies. I thought immediately of my mum and how she loved to talk about the weather, and even though she was partially sighted, could see and appreciate a blue sky. It floored me, then I became fearful of losing control again, which has sometimes kept me indoors. I know it’s normal to cry but I am afraid of this happening when I’m out and about.

I also felt guilty at feeling momentary relief that the worst was over - as in no longer in that awful build up to her death, every day expecting the worst. I felt terrible for thinking this, because of course I’d rather have my mum back, but not suffering like she was.

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I have been thinking about the summer. On sunny days, Mum and I loved to go for a walk together. With the colder weather it feels okay as Mum didn’t want to go out. We also have Mother’s Day coming up, which will be hard. I try to treat days like that as an ordinary day.

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I wore my sunglasses in the early days. I wear them sometimes to prevent the wind.

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Thank you for this. For me, its so sums up exactly how I feel every day about the loss of my wife who was beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. Your explanation of grief is so apt.

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Jimbo99
Sorry you’re still in pain too. It’s been 5 years since I lost my partner and not a lot has changed in that time. It may be a little easier, but the grief and heartache is still with me.
Take care.

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Just 18 months on my journey alone. Married for 48 years. You take care as well and stay strong.

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I lost my darling husband Tony last October. It’s true that sometimes you are ok and then something triggers your emotions. Today I saw snowdrops in the garden. We both loved one of the first signs of Spring, and this year it will come along without him. It is all such a horrendous roller coaster. Take care everyone.

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I totally agree with you. I feel the same. My husband died just over a year ago. Just when I feel okay and try to move forward, I cant seem to.

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I find ‘firsts’ are a trigger. I struggle with the words “move on.” When I told a counsellor this in my assessment (I am on waiting list) I was told that you grow around grief. I find that easier as the person will always be put of our lives as we have memories and they can’t just be wiped clean and I wouldn’t want that either.

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We all need each other big hugs :bouquet:

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That’s exactly how I feel. My mother passed away suddenly at home last July. I’ve been terrible all weekend crying on and off thinking about things we used to do together and go. I what made it worse she loved it when the six nations started we would both watch all the games. I couldn’t even put a game on because it didn’t seem right watching without my mother.

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That’s one of the hardest things to cope with, I think. It’s the little things that can bring the most memories back. Like @Jason1967 said, favourite TV programmes, favourite foods on the shelves in the shops, a random memory popping into your head for no reason at all. These are the hardest to deal with because they catch you so unexpectedly and if you’re not in a safe space, like at home, it’s very hard to cope with. Putting on a brave face is so exhausting, as is telling people you’re fine when you’re not. It feels like I’ll never be fine again.

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I’ve stopped doing what I felt I needed to show, putting on a brave face.
I don’t feel brave, I’m not brave. The loss of my wonderful husband has not made me brave. It has broken me in so many pieces.
So if someone asks if I’m okay, I’m now going to say no I’m not. Let them deal with my response. It’s not about them it’s about me.
I’m not fine and I can’t see me being fine ever again. If they don’t like my answers, don’t like seeing my grief, don’t ask me. Until someone has personally experienced the unbridled raw version of grief they don’t understand.
We are facing a daily battle to survive through this heart wrenching abyss.
We know we won’t be fine ever again yet we are still here supporting one another with honesty, with true emotion, with never ending support.

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People, especially friends, often ask me if I am okay, And, when I am not and tell them so, then I get a lecture from them. ‘He had a good life’; he is at peace’ ………..
I find that they can be insensitive to how I am feeling.

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