My mum died a week ago today and I just feel I can’t sleep or eat.
It really is emotionally and physically exhausting and I feel I am trying to split myself into so many parts to support my dad, brothers, sister and my own children - that I can’t really face my own grief properly yet.
I miss my mum so much, I miss the old me and I miss the life we were leading before last Sunday when Mum very suddenly passed away.
@LeonieG i am so sorry for your loss. It is still so raw for you. Take things one step at a time, don’t put expectations on yourself. It is hard when you are trying to support everyone. Try and take moments for you when you can. Even if it is sitting in your room with a cuppa on your own.
Sending love x
Its such a tough road @Becca_d with no obvious light at the end of the tunnel 
Its nearly 16 months for me now, Im on the brink of having to say goodbye to Mums house and whenever I try and think of a future any further than the week ahead, I feel completely lost and terrified. 
Trying to accept that ive got to carry this hole, this ache in my heart for the rest of my days feels overwhelming. My world has shrunk to support groups and counselling- even meeting a friend for coffee feels draining and stressful.
It is hugely scary facing all the emotions that we’re going through - i think thats why sometimes we go numb or it comes in waves because our brain protects us from feeling it all at once. But you’re doing the right thing Becca in facing it, because it will ultimately hurt you more if you try and avoid or suppress it. Just do it slowly, at your own pace.
Sending you massive hugs - i may not post very often but im still thinking of you Becca 
Im so sorry @LeonieG for your loss- its so incredibly early days for you, my heart goes out to you. Different people respond in different ways to grief - some want to keep active, maybe your natural instinct is to try and take care of everybody. But please dont do this at the expense of your own grief. You need support too - do you have friends you can turn to? When a whole family is grieving each person is trying to deal with their own grief, so having someone outside of the family that you know you can talk to/cry with/ask for practical help to can be helpful. Take it one day, one hour at a time right now. There are so many people on here who are willing to listen and offer support
Hi all, it’s almost 18 months since my mom died. I am still in complete denial, anger is raging. It’s so unfair, I have finally put a letter together to send to her GP practise and to PALS because they were all incompetent. I have to do this to try and get some closure.
I am struggling a lot and just want to be quiet. But back to work after half term. I feel like I am facing my grief head on.
It’s so blooming hard.
Hi Becky, it is hard and some days you will get triggers. Just take one day at a time. I have been through pals and now with the ombudsman. It won’t be easy as I feel you keep reliving what happened but you still want answers and closure. I feel annoyed because as well as grieving you have the extra upset on what happened. Keep with it
I think it will be helpful to send the letter. Even if you don’t get an admission from them, at least you know that you have said what you wanted to say and that they have had to read it.
I went to see my dad after work today and all I could think of is why isn’t my mom here. I miss her so much it hurts. It’s 18 months now and my heart aches for her. I found a voicemail on my mobile phone today, I had never seen it before. It’s from March 2023 when my mom started to be really poorly and I ended up taking her to see an out of hours GP. If only he had other admitted to hospital then, exactly 5 months after that date she died.
Totally identify with this just returned to work following the death of my father. Feel exhausted by the end of each day. Struggling to find any joy or meaning in life. Just feels like constantly trudging uphill with little meaning or purpose to keep going. Everyone needs you but it’s just so hard to find space to breathe
I am so sorry for the loss of your father @Fayefonda, it’s still early days for you. Just take it one step at a time, don’t put any expectations on yourself to be ‘ok’ or back to normal. Look after you, even if it is grabbing a cuppa and sitting down for 5 mins. We’re all here for you x
So sorry to hear of your loss I lost my mum on the 2nd of December and although it’s been almost 3 months I’m still on that day my brain hasn’t caught up her funeral was on the 19th of December I don’t know where that time has gone, like you I’m just faking it to make it through the day I went back to work last week but don’t really want to be there, be around people I just want to sit in my stillness and be in my safe space just seems like yesterday, sleeping is not good most nights and yes, it’s like you don’t know what you are doing can’t remember smallest of things, just wanted to say that you’re not alone in this process of grief, nothing feels the same anymore, I guess it just trying to live a different way now without our loved ones and that said it’s so hard, sending you love and prayers just take care of yourself and give yourself time xxx
It’s still early days @Memories_1964, it’s just so unexplainable how grief makes you feel. You think you’re going mad as you can’t remember simple things.
Just take things one step at a time, don’t put yourself under pressure to be ‘ok’.
Sending you lots of love. We’re here if yiy need to talk.
I have sent a letter to my mom’s GP & to PALS at the hospital. Detailing everything and letting them know how traumatised I am by it all.
I feel sick, my head is pounding. I know nothing will change, but as part of my healing process I need to let them know about the lack of care they gave my mom. She did not have a good death. Everyone deserves a good death. It breaks my heart.
That must have been a huge undertaking Becca trying to put down everything into a letter, im sure it must have been very difficult and emotional but i also hope it felt good to get it out there
Regardless of how they respond, its part of your healing which is the most important thing. You cant control how they respond, but youve honoured your mum by speaking up because as you say, everyone deserves a good death
I did the same, as I think I’ve said, and I remember the feeling. You did good, that was tremendously brave of you. You’ve done what you can now and you’ve said your piece. Much love.
Thanks both.
It has been on my mind all day. I need to resend it to PALS as they can open the attachment! GP surgery hasn’t read it yet. I put a read receipt on the email.
I have work issues going on and feel very deflated and defeated.
Thank you so much 
I hate grief, I feel so alone. Work is horrible, I have messed up and no one is really talking to me. I don’t know why, I seem to have been excommunicated from the team I work with. I walked out of a meal on Friday night as I felt so overwhelmed & left out. It’s a long story.
I just feel like my head is a mess. I miss my mom so much. I need her.
Im really sorry to hear that @Becca_d - even if you have “messed up” its no reason for colleagues to be giving you the cold shoulder. Is there one colleague you could grab a coffee with and have a chat to, just to clear the air and explain how they are making you feel? Could it be your colleagues are not sure how to best support you, so are doing that unhelpful thing of just not saying anything at all? Sending hugs