Hi, I lost my Partner of 10 years 7 months ago,he was only 64 and I’m struggling so much. Day by day it’s different in it’s self,sometimes I understand that he’s gone,then in a moment it registers in my mind and it feels so unreal,like it’s all a bad dream. I’m in a world of my own every day since he passed but I’m not living,I wish i was with him. He wouldn’t want me to be sad and crying all the time but it’s how i feel. I put on a mask of being smiley etc but the pain doesn’t go away. People don’t understand what or how anyone feels when they go through grief and everyone copes differently but it’s so hard to get through the days. I’m so grateful for my 2 dogs,they have helped me every day,a reason to get up in the morning even though i don’t feel like it. Does anyone else feel like this or understand what i mean.
Hi Rosie 1960. I exactly know how you feel, my husband died 15th August 2024 he was diagnosed with cancer on 26th June 2024 . It was such a shock as all he had was chest infections. Each day is so long and empty we were married 3 years ago. I also have my dog and I go walks but home to an empty house and so silent. (This was my second bereavement my first husband was killed in accident driving his lorry 15 years ago, so I was widowed at 48).
And people just think it’s easy to get on with life but it’s certainly not like that. Jim was with me everyday for 3 years as he had retired and it’s such an empty feeling he’s not here anymore and that’s not easy to get my head round knowing he’s not coming back it’s a dreadful feeling. So you are certainly not alone with your feelings.
Hi Beachwalks,thankyou. I’m so sorry for your loses. My partner passed 30th july 2024,he was messed about by the hospital from March onwards then sent home,in and out of hospital,doctor appointments etc,by July it was too late for him to have the heart surgery he needed. Evenings are the worst part of the day for me cos i’m on my own,i have my dogs a budgie and 2 kakariki parrots,which I’m so grateful for,there is a bit of noise,i’m worse if it’s quiet. Knowing he isn’t coming back is a terrible feeling and not being able to hug him or talk to him again,although i do talk to his photo. I just love and miss him so much.
Hi Rosie please keep in contact. Friends I’ve known for a long time have never bothered relations don’t bother most opinions are get on with it now , just cos I go walks with my dog do they think am ok, far from it I go walks to stop sitting in the house as it’s anfull long day not knowing what to do each day . I am 63 just feel so tired.(Jim was 77)and so fit and loved his DIY.
I understand what both of you have written.
This is a supportive place where truly understand as sadly they are experiencing the same as you.
Hi Beachwalks, would like to stay in touch if you’re sure it’s ok. I don’t really see anyone as i live in a vilage,only see my son,daughter in law and my daughter but not very often, i understand they are busy working etc and we speak regularly. They were with me when my Marki passed.I don’t speak to other family haven’t for 16 years,so my circle is very small. Thankyou .
Hi Rosie 1960. I to am very much on my own Jim’s family have never been in contact with me they don’t live in this area haven’t spoke since his funeral 4th September 2024.
My family are not much in contact people always say they will visit and call but they never do I didn’t have much support when Jim was diagnosed my GP was very good. I also live in a village and have known a lot of people over the years but they just have never bothered . And yes please keep in contact .
Hi Rosie1960 and Beachwalks
I am sorry for your respective losses. I lost my wife in January this year. She turned 62 on a ventilator, and never got to have the liver transplant that may have given her up to 30 years more.
I find the silence hard to deal with, but don’t even have pets to ease things.
I have tried to find other things to help me fill the void. I bought an electric guitar to try to learn, and i am looking at an electric drum kit too, as i currently just want to fill my time with something, and to give myself a bit of pride that i can still learn something at 61.
It is very hard losing that one person in your life that means everything. I am still in a fog to be honest, trying to fight my way through it.
My thoughts are with you both.
Hello jet horn. So sad what we go through and it is so recent for you. I know what it is like trying to fill the days it’s awfull and I often think Jim was here this time last year , we were just getting on with life, Jim was a bit older than me and had retired and and didn’t like sitting about so kept his self busy with DIY . While I walked the dog but now I come back into the house there’s nothing just silence.
Just wander what each day is going to be like hate having to get up in the mornings. So must feel terrible hurt the waiting and nothing can be done .
Watching and feeling helpless.
Hi Beachwalks
Yes if you look back a year, everything feels much brighter. It is amazing how quickly you can fall both mentally and emotionally in such a short space of time.
I was so happy a year ago and could never have forseen what devastation was to come.
Her death has taken half of me too. It is survival time currently for me.
It’s the small things i miss the most. The hugs, the odd moments of silly humour, the sitting and watching tv and talking about rubbish. What i wouldn’t give to have them back.
Hi Beachwalks ,
Marks family were good after he passed until his funeral on 2nd September 2024,he had a lovely karaoke send off as he loved singing and was really good but after that they just seemed to get on with their lives,like that was it. I don’t understand how some can just carry on with life like he wasnt here at all,if that makes sense, I do still hear from one of his sisters and his nephew now and again,but i don’t see them much. I spend most of my time walking my dogs which i have to take separately which is better in a way as it takes longer.
Hi jrthorn,
I’m so sorry for your loss,my Mark was in hospital for 2 weeks in March 2024 and one Doctor came round said that he needed heart surgery and if he went home he would die,the second week he was in,a different Doctor said there was nothing wrong with his heart and he could go home. After that he was in and out of hospital and doctors,sometimes he waited in A&E for 24 hrs or longer just to be seen or for a bed,i think to this day they sent him home to pass away,he was 64. The quiet times are the worst,especially evenings,when you just think about them but if you find learning to play the guitar or drums helps you then do it,we all grieve differently and try and find that something or even one thing that will help us cope. I haven’t found that yet 7 months on.
Thoughts are with you.
I can identify with that!
Hi Beachwalks and Jrthorn, I Hope you are doing ok,or as best as you can. I haven’t been coping well lately, so sorry for the late reply. It’s coming up to 10 year anniversary for me and Mark on the 16th March so i am struggling a lot. Lv Rosie
Hi Rosie1960. Sorry I not been in contact either. Not been feeling great grief just comes in waves,
My own health not to good just everything.
Very difficult to come to terms with that Jim not coming back.
Hi Beachwalks, I understand what you say and going through,some days we think we are coping then all of a sudden reality kicks in and we remember they aren’t coming back,thats when the emotions start again. I’m here for you,feeling the same x
Hi Rosie1960
It would have been our 20th Wedding Anniversary on 19th March, so i know exactly where you are coming from.
I expect to be a complete mess on the day. Not looking forward to it at all.
Beechwalks, i get whatbyou mean too.
Grief just engulfs you sometimes and there is nothing you can do about it.
Emotionally i am shattered currently, and feel i am just treading water.
Love to you both.
Hi jrthorn,
I totally understand what you mean, it’s the different times or special occasions when everything just hits us again harder when we are already emotional. I keep thinking this time last year Mark was still here,then on Sunday our first proper date 10 years ago. I’ve had a birthday without him and Christmas,that was awful,he would have been 65 in May so that will be even more difficult. The build up to those special days is just as emotional as the day itself isn’t it. Will be thinking about you,take care.