Grief

Losing a parent
1

I’m 41 and lost my mom to stage 4 cancer about 2 years ago. I’ve never grieved for her since she died and have never gone to her grave. I still feel in my head and heart that she isnt dead. Is this normal. I think of her sometimes in my head. But have never cried or anything and dont feel like I ever will grieve.

2

I think tou are ‘lucky’ in a way for most of us it is daily torture and any respite is welcome to say the least although you may still be in shock. X

3

We all grieve differently. When I lost my dad I cried once then nothing really. I’ve probably grieved inwardly over the last 27 years. Yet with my mum who passed last year I’ve felt broken, crying,anxiety the lot. So I think how can I grieve so differently for 2 people that I loved the same. You are grieving . The pain is no less just because we grieve in different ways. I hope that helps a little. I suffered inwardly with my dad but outwardly with mum. You are grieving in your own way xxxx

4

I’ve learnt There is no “normal” when it comes to grief

It’s almost a year since my mum died and like you, I barely cry, I can’t remember crying when she died, I didn’t cry and her funeral and I never go to the cemetery. Some days, I think about her all day every day and others…I can go weeks without thinking about her.

I miss her terribly, so bad my heart physically hurts and just because we don’t cry it doesn’t mean we miss them any less compared to someone who cries every day, our brain just has a different way of coping and you have to do what feels right for you, your already going through a terrible ordeal don’t punish yourself by thinking you should be doing this that or the other xxxxx

5

I lost my dad 16 weeks ago. I thought I would spend weeks crying but in reality I’ve hardly cried. I see it as him giving me the strength to miss him but to also let him go.

He was a cheeky man with lots of love for life despite his poor health. When his last illness came he lost that love and he was just existing and suffering. The quality of life had gone. We always promised when it got to that stage we would let him go and we did. He died peacefully at home.

We are still in early days and some days are still hard but he is with us every day. Our main focus now is mum. She spent every waking minute caring for him for 14 years. Now there is just silence.