I lost my mum this week after a VERY short battle with cancer, 10 days from diagnosis. Mum has always been poorly, she had years of dialysis followed by a kidney transplant 8 years ago.
I have 2 siblings, my sister is broken, my brother shows his emotion, im struggling to though. I feel shocked, angry and numb. Why cant i cry? People think im coping well and dont ask how I am doing because im not showing my emotions. What is wrong with me??
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There is nothing wrong with you - please don’t worry. Grief takes many forms and if crying isn’t your way that’s ok.
You will be numb for a while - unfortunately grief is a long journey and you are just beginning.
Look after yourself
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Hi @Lins1210 sorry for loss of your Mum. No doubt you are experiencing the raw shock of grief, as @Jenny6 has already mentioned. It will take time for you to process your experience and begin to adapt. Try to share how you’re feeling in some way, whether verbally with a good friend or in writing on here or a journal. Grief involves a mass of emotions ranging from anger to guilt and sadness. I lost my Mum suddenly in January and I have felt everything! Try to look after yourself as much as possible physically as grief is exhausting so you need energy to deal with it. Above all give yourself time and don’t impose any expectations on yourself for how you should feel. Sending you best wishes xx
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So sorry for your loss I lost my mum 6 1/2 weeks ago feels like yesterday and I relive it in my head every day, she’d battled and survived cancer for 26 years and in July was told she had 6-12 months she only lasted 12 weeks I’d need days to tell you the whole story of how we got here, the Dr said I’m still in shock I’ve been signed of work for another month I’ve been put on medication for depression and anxiety and I’ve had panic attacks, I cry non stop I don’t sleep and when I shut my eyes I just see my mum, she was my best friend I miss her so much we were allways together, I can’t believe I’m never going to see her again to hug her to laugh with her, my heart is broken I don’t know who I am anymore, my dad is 91 he misses her so much, mum was 86 she should of died of old age not the very thing she fought for years and survived. Our lives are so empty now my girls miss her so much, I barely see my brother and sister now we are all hurting I don’t want to celebrate Christmas without my mum I want her back.
I am so sorry for your loss. Its just devastating isnt it? I am still in shock and disbelief. I have days where i am as ok as i can be, days where i may sing a song and feel guilty because im singing, days where i am angry at the world, days where i just sob, last week i just sat smelling and crying into her cardigan. Mum and i lost contact for some years for many reasons but i so regret it, she missed out on her grandchildren because of a silly argument and I hate myself for that. I take solace in the fact she kept asking to hold my hand in her last days but she was only 57, this should not have happened so soon. She was 10 days after being diagnosed, but we had known for a while. The NHS just kept fobbing her and us off!! I am back to work tomorrow on a phased return, but soon on Christmas break, i am dreading not having her over and making her drink after drink. I hope you stay as strong as can be. Sending hugs and love your way xx
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I just can’t face going back to work yet speaking to people I just can’t do dealing with patients in a chemist trying to put on a fake smile knowing I’m dead inside I just can’t do yet, Dr told me not to return too soon. So I’m just going to try get through Christmas for my dad and my girls and deal with that first it’s only one day but I don’t even want to face it, it’s going to be a very emotional day.
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I had days were I argued with my mum she was stubborn, she never listened to your advice and when I used to look at her id think how awful this must off felt for her how roles had reversed I was having to look after her instead of her being the mum, but I felt I owed her as she had done so much for me, she was so independent never asked anyone for anything now she was having to rely on other people that she just switched off from everyone and everything I had argued with her, I had shouted at her, I just cracked with the pressure I was under and she said I thought I was abandoning her I hugged her so tight that day as we cried together and I said how sorry I was and that I was right here I’d never leave her, but the guilt is eating away at me she was dying and I shouted at her, then couple weeks later she went into hosp and never came home, I had to have the hospital equipment removed from the house and try put the living room back to normality as it was heartbreaking walking in and seeing it empty every day, my youngest daughter would like on it whilst her nan was in hospital then when she died didn’t want to be in the house, she’s starting to settle now and she’s adjusting to just having her grandad there but its not the same as they were best buddies along with my other daughter who’s 14 they loved her so much and i dread Christmas day sitting at the table and the empty chair, sending hugs and comfort xx
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