Grief

Hi All
This is an open conversation I hope it doesn’t upset or offend anyone, I just need to let my feelings out.
My wife and best friend passed unexpectedly nearly 3 months now, I am “coping” using the term very loosely, then today a letter arrives addressed to her for a hospital appointment she has waited 16 months for.
How are we expected to cope when the very hospital she passed away in send for her, don’t they talk to each other? It has set me right back to the day of her passing.

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Hi @Hugh2
Sorry to here about loss of your wife and friend last year.
Im sorry that departments dont seem to communicate with each other anymore.
I found the same after my husband died over 7 months ago when i received a similar letter.
I have been coping just but this month Jan and especially this week i feel i am also back at the beginning.
Life is tough :sleepy:
Lynne

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It’s been nine weeks since my partner passed away and I don’t think I can ever get over it people say that I will in time but simple things like a letter arriving addressed to my partner reminding her about an appointment that she has at the hospital it was the same hospital she passed away in I’ve never suffered from anxiety but now I am anxious all the time wondering what is happening with my life I am struggling with eating and having trouble sleeping we used to do everything together now I’m struggling to do anything we used to do together simple things like watching a programme we watched together I can’t concentrate enough so I just turn the TV off Ann used to love simple things like going to street market’s and cafe’s she loved eating a full English breakfast I’ve tried a few times to go to one of her favourite cafes but I just drive back home I spend nearly all day laying on my bed wondering what to do since Ann passed away I’ve had no help with the grief I don’t have any friends or family to turn to I’m not sure how much longer I can carry on with my life I’ve never been the sort of person who is looking for sympathy It helps me to put a message on here because I know other people are going through the same thing and I can sympathise with them

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Hi Lynne
Thank you for your reply, I didn’t write it very well My wife/best friend were the same person. Brochures she bought from still arrive and I just bin them.
As you will know you speak to so many different agencies repeating “My partner has passed” that things like catalogues just pass you by, but there should be a system where medical (hospitals) etc all stop sending them.
Like you I got through Christmas/new year but it was very tough.

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Hi @Hugh2
Yes i have found a lot of red tape and non communication between departments.
Mail still arrives for him and that sets me off again. Travel brochures garden books he ordered as he loved the garden especially growing vegtables and fruit
Just wish i could go to the places too we used to visit but on your own very hard.
Maybe in time i will be able to but at the moment dont know when that will be
Take care stay strong look after yourself
Lynne

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Hi Boo2
So sorry you have no family/friends to fall back on, they can make a huge difference.
If you can summon the courage make a call to Samaritans, the 1st will be the toughest, but people think they are only for the suicidal, not so they can help with grief and loneliness also. Be brave and try it.

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I lost my hubby about 9 weeks ago.
I was advised by my MS nurse to give Cruse Bereavement a call. I couldnt even think about talking to anyone.
An advert come on about how more people were surviving cancer. I shouted at the tv. Called them liars. If it was true, my man would still be by my side.
I rang Cruse. They were amazing. I just talked and talked. Can’t even remember what I said.
Then I found this forum. It’s really helping me.

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@mags66 i so agree about the cancer research adverts , all those smiling people who have got the all clear or are recovering and our ,loved ones aren’t.

It makes me mad. Having said that a lot of things do at the moment!

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I know what you mean.
There is another advert about someone whose husband gets diagnosed with a brain tumour. The words she says - for some reason - really annoy me.
With the help of carers, she became his wife again and stopped being his carer.
I’m sorry, but if your partner/spouse is ill. Looking after them is part of your life. It doesn’t stop you being anything.
Sorry for the rant. These adverts amongst other things really do seem to be bugging me at the moment

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