Lost my dad within weeks of a cancer diagnosis, two months ago. My mother has been battling cancer for five years but last week found out it has now spread to her brain and nothing can be done. Struggling immensely. It was hard enough with dad but now both of them within months of each other I dont know what to do. With dad it was very quick but with mam I think im gonna have to watch her slowly deteriorate over time, how am I going to get through it, I can already see her health declining. We’ve not really been told much other than hospice getting in touch, but dont really know what next steps are, what happens now? She’s currently still mobile but how long will this be for? What happens when shes bed bound? I have young children that I can’t leave all the time, when they in school I can but also have my own home to keep. Im not entirely sure what the purpose was of this post, feel like ive just ranted
Hi @Welshmam,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and mum. It sounds like things are really tough right now.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their thoughts, but it may be helpful to read our information about supporting someone who is dying.
You could also speak with the hospice team you mentioned to ask any questions and find out the next steps. They should have a general number to ring, or you could take a look at their website.
Keep reaching out and take good care,
Naoise
Sorry to hear that, and I can understand what you are going through as I’ve also lost both parents within 4 months of each other, both through terminal illnesses.
Have they given an approximate prognosis? And has she been admitted to hospice already, or is she still at home? Also, do you have other siblings that can support her as well? You could spend time with your Mum during school hours, or on the weekends if you can get babysitters, and if you have siblings, rotate the visits so that she’s not alone as much.
If she ends up bedbound, it should be at that stage when she is already in hospice, which can be beneficial as there will be nursing staff 24/7 there to provide the pain relief, other meds, they can help her shower, eat and drink, keep her safe, comfortable, and with dignity, and they can update you at every stage. They usually have therapists there to help support her, and you as well. And religious support (priests, chaplains, etc) if she needs to talk to them, say prayers. She will be in good hands when she gets to hospice 
The most important thing to do right now, is to liaise with the Palliative team, and they will be able to guide you through each stage of Palliative treatment, which will be making sure she is comfortable and not in pain. They and the GP will be the ones that will get her transferred to hospice, finding a bed for her. They usually send an ambulance to transport her to the hospice.
In the meantime, it is likely that she will get home visits from district nurses, rapid response teams possibly, and other therapists like the SALT team (speech and language therapy) as the cancer has spread to her brain, they need to make sure she can swallow safely.
It’s a very tough road ahead, the priority now would be to spend as much time with her, comfort her, and reassure her that she is safe and not alone
Sorry for the late reply, thank you all for the replies, everything seemed to happen so quickly. The prognosis was weeks to months, the same prognosis was given to my dad but lasted 12days. We thought as mam was no where near how ill dad was that it would be months. Unfortunately she became quite ill with sickness from the brain mets in the cerebellum so steroids were upped and put on cyclizine in a driver, we had 3 or 4 days of her being well then she started to deteriorate. Mam is bedbound now has been since yesterday but not in a hospice, myself and my siblings are caring for her ourselves with the help of the district nurses. She hasn’t ate for 8 days and only sips of water as well as mouthcare. Only has cyclizine in the driver still but has dexamethasone as an injection, all other medication stopped. Seeing her deteriorate over the last 2 weeks has been awful. Struggling to see a life without them both, i know its selfish to want her to stay but then seem heartless not wanting her to stay but its cos I dont want her to suffer. She’s saying shes not in pain when asked which is a good thing. For the last week myself and my brothers have been here day and night, with only going home to shower, change and eat then back as we want to be with her when the time comes amd spending as much time as possible reminiscing, she may not be able to respond much but we know she can hear us. Its looking like it could be very soon as we’ve noticed physical changes now. I am glad im not an only child and have my brothers with me.
Thank you……I hope your coping as well as you can, losing one parent is hard enough but bout so close together is just on another level
Take care x