Good evening all.
I’m not sure I’m in the right place or even doing the right thing anymore.
I lost my best friend, confidante and most supportive person I will ever have in life - my mum.
She passed away on Boxing Day 2020 after a battle with cancer. I spent her final months caring for her (which was her wish as she wanted to pass away at home) and moved into her home to provide 24 hour care. I spent the previous 6 years supporting her by attending all her appointments, chemo and taking her to Newcastle daily for clinical trials.
I have this gnawing pain, sadness, hurt. I feel lost and lonely. Some days I feel numb like she never passed at all and she is just away somewhere on holiday.
I have a guilt that I didn’t care for her as well as I could have!
I feel permanently exhausted, I ache from head to toe. I’m just not sure how to cope anymore.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area.
Online Community team
I’ve spent this morning building the courage to finally make contact with bereavement support and I’ve found myself here. I think it was meant to be as my story closely mirrors yours. My mum passed away at home on Christmas Day 2020 after a 12 year battle with cancer and I’m currently struggling to cope. I’ve had ups and downs since but currently I feel like the grief is consuming me and I can think of nothing else. It physically hurts and I feel like I’m going insane! The irony is that my mum would be so upset to see me like this! I guess we have to take it one day at a time and let the grief ebb and flow. Sending you lots of love and comfort
Thank you for all your kind words. I just feel so alone and unable to make sense of life without her being around. I’m battling through work (I started a new job) but don’t feel like I want to be here.
As well as the mental grief I’m struggling with physical aspects of grief too. I’m permanently exhausted, my body hurts and struggling to sleep at night.
I’m sure all of you will be experiencing the same as me, it’s just nice to know there are other people out there to speak to. I think I will look into the counselling, I don’t think self help is being very beneficial.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. The pain can be overwhelming at times and daily life can become a struggle.
I share your pain and send you the strength to get through each day one step at a time x
I feel all that you are going through, I lost my best friend, go to lady, my dear mum who died May 2020 completely unexpectedly. Undetected brain tumors that were inoperable. Nearly a year on I still can’t believe it, I get on with daily life but can’t help but break down at every memory or thought of her. Its the hardest thing I’ve faced so far ,just hope it will get easier. Thinking of you all. X
Thanks so much for your kind response. It really helps to know others understand.
All the best
I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree the pain can be unbearable at times. I look at her photo and still can’t seem to grasp that I won’t get to see her smiling face again. It’s like it never happened.
Always here to help if needed. For all it’s not a nice place to be in life it’s nice that there are people to listen and share when needed. Sending you comfort and strength
Thank you Anne. I’m Truly sorry for your pain and send you so much comfort to help you get through this very difficult time.
People mistake grieving for depression, which is something completely different. I call it DSS. Deep seated sadness. I find people seem to understand the term more deeply than saying I’m grieving. Sadness is a powerful emotion which we can only really learn to cope with. It will never go away. Yet most people seem to relate to the word.
Sending you my best wishes x
Thanks so much for your kind response, I too send you my thoughts and strength.
Keep well and take care.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. My Mum died last year too and I miss her so dearly. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to deal with her illness for such a long time, as for the 2 or 3 years my Mum had cancer, it was an incredibly emotional time for us all. I felt like I was constantly waiting for the day I wouldn’t see her any more, as she had a terminal diagnosis, but that at the same time that never got to sink in properly until well after her death. I have been physically ill on and off for months now and very tired, but think this has also come from the expectations from others with how I ought to feel now. I can relate to the guilt and regrets, as we can always want to do just that one more thing one more time for someone we love. It sounds to me like you were an incredible support to your Mum. I’m not surprised you feel the way you do now at all, as you have given everything you possibly could for someone you love. Take care.