Grieving for my mum

I lost my mum on the 20th of April i cannot stop crying day after day I feel like there is a black cloud above me I lived with my mum all of my life im 56 year old I need help I doñt know what to do im so fed up of crying its making me feel ill they say it makes you feel better any body else feel like this

Hi Lesley,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is still very early days for you…so please do not put yourself under any untoward pressure by ‘being strong’ and all that rubbish the tears will hit you at anytime and so will the feeling of despair and even being physically ill. As the cliché goes just take one day at a time. What may make things even worse for you is the fact that you have been with your mother all of your life. That makes the loss even more profound and painful.
I have been in a similar boat to you. My little old mum passed away last November. I am 53 and was her carer for the last few years of her life. I never had the opportunity to fly the nest, so to speak, so I lived at home. My mother had a heart condition and incapacitated by a stroke. So I looked after her and was in her company 24/7. There were carers coming in 4 times a day, but I was the one who looked after her…I do have a brother and a sister but they never bothered.
what I have found is that as time is moving on there are somedays when I feel calm and no tears appear…then I make up for it the following day with feeling so isolated and dejected that life seems impossible. I have good few sobs today which helped with the tension…I miss her so much it is painful. I am going through a lot of guilt as well which does not help matters much. with frustration I was a bit unpleasant to her…to my everlasting shame.
My concentration has gone to pot…which make things a bit awkward since I am supposed to be doing an MA…I have not done much but I do intend to persevere…this will be a positive goal for me…focusing on my studies when I get around to it.
I have noticed as well that the loneliness hits me a bit. Yesterday was an airshow in Swansea. Thousands flocked to the beach here and I found myself drifting through the throng resenting the happy family atmosphere and feeling low especially when passing families and couples. I felt removed from them all as though I am surrounded by a glass wall…made to feel inconsequential and useless.
I do hope you have someone you can talk to, even be in somebodies company that makes you feel valued and wanted?
Also when you are going through the mill there is a susceptibility for all sorts of ailments… when you are run down and fatigued so your immunity goes up the Suwannee. I have had innumerable colds and recently trapped a nerve which makes life a bit painful.
Reading this you will either feel much worse or a bit easier in your world…thinking there is a right burke out there who is much worse off. My world has been a bit complicated for a while so hence all the problems…but with you, life will get gradually easier as long as you don’t put yourself under pressure to feel better. let the tears flow they will help you feel a bit easier. no matter what happens to you in your world, the pain will dissipate though you will miss you mum. Know in your heart that you loved her and she you.
Are you sleeping well?
Dave

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