Grieving hurts so much

Hi all,
I thought I’d check in to see how you are are all doing?
Me personally, not so good.

Well it’s been nearly two weeks since my partners funeral and I am no further forward in the grieving process. I still lie awake at night and cry, I miss his touch, his laugh and his voice. I don’t think I will ever get over this huge hurdle and have even considered suicide just to be with him.

I have never felt pain like this and I am overwhelmed with grief. Everything reminds me of him, his glasses, the tv programs he used to watch, his favourite foods in the cupboards, the empty bed at night, how I long to be with him.

We were together for 20 years and did everything together, so his absence is magnified tenfold. Friends have been there for me, but all I want is Paul back. I am hurt, angry and feel abandoned. The world feels cold without him in it. I expressed my words in a speech at his funeral, these were read out by a friend. I thought I would share these words with you

Thanks Craig


Craig, hi. Thank you do much for sharing your funeral speech about your partner Paul. That expressed so many of my thoughts and feelings and like you I too feel hurt, angry and abandoned. I found the physical manifestation of the pain so hard to bear that I am now on antidepressants. So I am able to sleep although I still wake up with that awful realisation of what has happened but they numb everything. I’m probably storing up problems for the future and I know I’m dealing with it by not dealing with it but at the moment they are helping me to cope. I’m about to start some mindfulness sessions so hopefully they will help me to cope. My husband died in November only 2 months after his diagnosis of an aggressive cancer and the trauma of nursing him at home and seeing him suffer so much and then having to live without him has been awful. I have no words of comfort except that on this forum we are able to express our feelings knowing that everyone understands .


Beautiful words Craig, it’s so precious to have such a close relationship which comes across so strongly for you and Paul, two months down the line and my whole world has changed these are the only things that matter I felt like that for Allan,


Such a beautiful speech. The love you shared was very special. I lost my mum last july, so I know the pain you are going through. I find the worst times are the morning, when I first wake up, and it hits me every time. I feel its only on here I can really express how I feel