I had the funeral for dad 2 days ago,people have said to me before the funeral ‘it will be closure and you can move on’…i had a strong feeling of ‘its not real’ before the funeral and hoped to some extent that a sense of closure may help with how i was feeling…now that the funeral is over i feel exactly the same…i went to the cemetary yesterday to see the flowers people had sent for dad,but the feeling of ‘its not real’ is still very much dominant in my mind.x
Hi @CR73 yes I’m feeling similar, I felt some relief immediately after the funeral as the hard weeks of organising were over, but then the harder business of adjusting to the eternal new reality began. I’m really struggling with the unchangeable permanence of it. As the shock wears off and other things return to ‘normal’, I expect my dad to return too. The thought that he never will again, I’ll never see him or hear his voice again, is unbearable. The tears won’t stop and I just build my day around them. I used to feel so complete and content when we were all together, now I ache with pain thinking about the huge void in all our lives. I think this is just a new reality that we have to adjust to. Life before (complete, safe, secure, happy) and life after (agony with occasional fleeting moments of feeling ok). I honestly don’t know how people get through this. They must be made of tougher stuff than me.
I do feel more lost since the funeral,more as if hes not there,more like theres nothing. I went to the cemetary again today and as i approached the grave i thgt ‘dads there with mom’,and my mind screamed ‘WHAAAAAAAAAT?’,when i think of him i think of him at home,not where he is now(in physical form).
Yes i connect with you saying before the death it felt complete,safe,secure,happy…and now is agony with occasional moments of feeling ok. If you ask me how to move forward…i honestly dont know.
I just read what you had have wrote and i can relate to it all. Everything you have said is how i feel. I hope your doing ok xx