Groundhog day

Every day a pattern
Eyes open and within seconds I remember he is not with me here
Stomach pain chest pain panic
Get up get the children ready for school
Brace face and pretence
Then the tears start
Then the desperation and thoughts to sleep forever
Unable to cope alone and without him
As the day goes slowly on the darkness shifts
And some small respite from the pain
Then to lie awake into the morning hours terrified of the morning and the pain that is coming again

I’ve got to say straight away that sounds very worrying. If what you are saying is that everyday is played out as a self fulfilling prophecy then I think you have a clear need for some help, as in talking therapy and maybe even more in the way of intervention, and you need to speak to a health professional ASAP.
Ideally you have family or friends that could help in practical ways.

Actually it was simply some words to express what I have noticed as the pattern of the last 14 days. I am a medic myself and have good insight into my needs. I have spoke to my Gp and arranged support and counselling. I have moved to family too. Thankyou but you don’t need to worry x

I’m glad to hear it. As a psychologist I do tend to pick up on matters relating to the mind, which of course is virtually everything.
Hope it goes well for you and thank you for sharing your words.

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Thankyou for looking out for me. Working in medicine of any kind I find to be a blessing and a curse. I am dismayed at the lack of our local mental health services I will be paying for the support I need x

My youngest daughter works in mental health services for the NHS. Unfortunately the level of demand is only just being recognised at governmental level and the actual level of need is probably greater still. It’s a thankful task for the staff and a hopeless situation for those in desperate need. It’s a major failure that many people least able to afford it are being forced to pay for what may be inappropriate and unregulated services.
I really hope it works out and you get chance to negotiate on desired outcomes and how evaluation of the process will take place.

That should be thankless.

You are completely right we are swamped. A very sad state indeed. I will bear in mind your point about lack of regulation in private services