Guilt and heartbroken still

Hi just letting off steam tbh - Steve’s 1st anniversary is next Friday 8 days away :broken_heart: I’ve come on holiday with a friend to try and relax before the day. Problem is I feel so guilty. I feel lost, homesick, just totally not me anymore because there’s no us.
Sometimes I don’t know how to breath let alone anything else. All my family and friends said go and have a lovely time and I am …. To a degree! Then I feel guilty for my friend because I’m defo not life and soul of the party!!!
I’m hungry but feel sick, I don’t want to drink too much but want to block this pain out! And no I’m not drinking masses! My stomach is in knots constantly. I’m only here for a week - thank god! But if someone told me I could go home now I would! I’m missing my “comfort zone” I know I don’t necessarily want to be on my own but at this time I’d rather be.
So many couples doing couple things and that’s making me miss him more :disappointed::heart:‍:adhesive_bandage::broken_heart:
Has anyone got any advise ? Xx


Sorry to hear about your loss
You are so brave to go away and I’m sure you will look back and realise that it was worth it
Bereavement is not easy
It is the hardest things any of us have faced and there is no end point when things ‘get better’ or ‘back to normal’. Normal has gone forever with all the familiar comforting certainties…gone in an instance.
Suddenly we face uncertainty, loneliness and huge emptiness where we had our beloveds who filled all those holes.
Be kind to yourself as everyone on this site reminds us
Keep posting, read how others are doing so you know you are definitely not alone but amongst fellow strugglers all trying to make sense of this frightening, empty new life.
Sending hugs