I lost my beloved husband last August. Lately, I am struggling so much with guilt and regret. He suffered with COPD and heart failure and pulmonary fibrosis and he never even smoked. His illness took everything from him. My regrets are that first of all, I at times would lose patience and take out my frustrations on him. I was so angry at his illness but letting it out on him was inexcusable. Also, I regret not staying the nights at the Hospice Facility the last few nights. I was with him, as was my son and daughter the days from 8:30 am until 7:30 pm, but now I feel he needed me there overnight too. I was married to the best and most loving man I could have wished for. I don’t like myself and can’t seem to forgive myself. Does anyone else feel regrets and or guilt?
Dear W, I think we all have a habit of analysing every moment of our lives with our loved ones looking for any possible fault we may have committed. Could we have done this or that better. If our loved ones were here now Infront of us, they would be hugging us and these worries would vanish. We suffer so much because we loved them so much. The last thing your husband would want is to see you beating yourself up. You loved him and he loved you. Were things the other way around I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see him feeling like this.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
We had 44 years of happiness and joy together. I truly was so blessed but it seems the mind does this to us: it reminds us of all we did wrong, or should have done differently. Thank you for your words.
@w20376
You can always feel guilty about something. and wonder if we should have done things differently. Your husband illness must have been difficult and hard for you . If you hadn’t took the breaks away from it for a while. You wouldn’t have strong enough be there for your husband. Look after yourself
Oh I fully get it There was a few times I didn’t spend the night I just needed a break from his pain. I felt guilty for he himself was unable to get a break from the
Illness he also never smoked yet he had esophagus/ stomach cancerstage 4
He ended up also with parkingson from the chemo. I also left our son with him at times our daughter no longer stay with him forshe caught Cdiff from the hospital
Guilty is a horrible thing ontop of grief
Also with trying to hold the kids together finding the strength and wishing we didn’t have to . Moree guilt right ?
I lost my husband husband February 19 2020 right before covid hit then shut the world down. I also felt guilty for what killed him was a car accident , 6 hours in surgery and they tell me they missed a brain bleed and he was brain dead . I had to make a choice keep him on life support or turn it off . More guilt .I want to tell you it gets better and it does in a way .I belive we get numb to it ., the guilt the pain . Then it only comes in waves not every day .we won’t stop missing them , or being angry a him at ourself at the cancer even angry at God . I’m trying to let my memories make me smile instead of crying. Some days it works .
Keep talking about it to others people who understand for others will never understand. As far as being crazy !
Yes we are for we are still crazy inlove with our spouse. Hang in there 
stay as strong as you can each day
We are here if you need us
I’m convinced guilt is a normal part of grief. I have what I call “guilt days” where all I do is beat up on myself about different things. I’m convinced even if I did everything perfectly, I would still find a way to find fault w/ one thing I did “wrong.”
Yes, I feel guilty because I wasn’t there in the last two days of my partner’s life. We’d been together for almost forty years. I was sorting out my old flat for a relative and we had argued earlier that week too. I came back to find him lying in the kitchen. He deserved better than that and I will never forgive myself for not being there. It was seven months ago and I miss him so much.
Thank you. I am trying.
Thank you so much. I am very grateful I found this online Group. The emotions we carry are so heavy and debilitating.
Yes, I think we would always find something to regret or feel guilty about.
I surely do understand. My mind keeps reminding me of my impatience and also my not being with him overnights. It’s so hard.