Hi, I have just joined this forum, I lost my dear husband 4 months ago after almost 40 years. We were unable to have children and my family live some distance away. My husband passed away in his armchair while I was pottering about the greenhouse. We had spent the morning together at the shops and I’d made some lunch before we both went out into the garden to do our own thing. After a short time I popped my head through the door to see if he would like a cuppa and thought he had snoozed off in the chair, which he sometimes did in the afternoons. When he didn’t respond I found he had passed, – I wont fill in the blanks but ever since I am overwhelmed with grief night and day and cannot stop thinking about if I had only left what I was doing in the greenhouse earlier…and what were his last thoughts…was he desperately wishing I would come. Like many I have read on your forum, now that a little time has passed, people dont understand that you havn’t “moved on” and accepted things…you can see it in their faces, so I just smile and say I’m fine now, even though my soul is crushed. I am 72 and cannot see a reason to drag myself through each day, wondering when my time will be and how. We were joined at the hip and so content to just have each other. Sorry to ramble on, this is one of my dark days, they seem to come from nowhere.
Hello, I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.
I read somewhere that only the most caring & loving people feel undeserved guilt after their loved one passes, it’s to do with the brain being so shocked & not able to understand what’s happened that it try’s to find a “why”.
It sounds to me that your husband was having a nap & passed away, I don’t think he had time to wonder were you were or to call out, if he had been asleep in distress I feel he would have been on the floor & things would have been knocked over etc…
His passing was peaceful in his armchair, in his own home with his devoted wife nearby, try & think of it this way & that he didn’t suffer at all.
How your feeling is perfectly normal but try and see things as though the eyes of an outsider & you’ll see your suffering isn’t warranted, it’s all part of the grief, your husband now would want you to look after yourself now & not to look to the future as we all know it’s not a given & we can’t worry about things that haven’t happened.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do try to get through each day for him and remember all the knowledge he enriched my life with. I know he passed the way he always wished to…it’s just that it was far too soon. …with a very difficult year behind us we had our little plans and projects for the summer ahead and were so very happy living our simple life. I know he would be so upset to see me like this and I must find a way to draw on his strength to help me. I know many of you will be feeling the same way and I wish you strength too.
Hi, I think a feeling of guilt is pretty much a given.
My husband of 60 yrs died 10 weeks ago.
We’d been out as usual, came home, relaxed. He said he didn’t feel right. I crossed the room to him, put my arms around him & in moments he was unconscious.
The paramedics came so fast, but they couldn’t bring him back.
My head knows he was where he wanted to be, with me, together ,at home
My heart, however, …" why didnt I notice he wasn’t well, could i have done more"
I hope the feeling will fade.
I’m so sorry. I don’t think there will ever be an answer to “why” and in my case I don’t think I will ever stop blaming myself for not being with him and will always question whether I could have done CPR more effectively until the ambulance arrived. I send you my kindest wishes and thank you for sharing your grief. X