Guilt for feeling normal

Losing a parent
#1

Hi there , I lost my dad just over 2 years ago, it was a sudden heart attack, he was just 60 . I know I will always miss him , I have my family around and they are always ready to listen. My heart broke the other morning… I felt so sad for enjoying a laugh at a stupid film the evening before! I cried for the first time in a while … feeling guilty that we are all still here .

I’m not quite sure why I am even posting this… I suppose am looking to see if anyone has a way of dealing with this feeling???

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#2

Hi Sam,
It’s just over a year, since I lost my Mum suddenly from pneumonia and a heart attack.
I remember feeling very guilty laughing at something on a tv programme four weeks into my loss. I decided early on, if I could find some brief joy or laughter I’d embrace it, because grief is so heavy.
It’s good to laugh, but I’ve laughed with rather a heavy heart. Our loved ones would want us to be happy.

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#3

Hi. Sam_M. Welcome. Guilt is something I am sure most of us have felt. So is delayed grief. Because a loved one has seemingly been taken from us does make us feel guilty because so many questions come up. ‘Why him’? ’ What did he ever do to suffer in this way?’ You may have felt sad because it reminded you of better times, maybe when you laughed together. This can be an unconscious reaction, and looking for reasons does not help because the questions have no immediate answers.
I am sure your dad would not want you being miserable, and laughter can be helpful in this stage of grief. After two years I have begun to laugh again. My wife was a cheerful person, and would not want me to be miserable. The fact that you are all still here makes it so much more important that you look after each other and share such moments together with love. You are reaching out because you are in pain and maybe confused. Allow the emotions to come. It’s OK to have them.
Blessings and best wishes. John.

#4

I look at it a different way. My dad wouldn’t want us to be sat around moping for him so we try and still do things we enjoy. The guilt is there sometimes because we now get to do things that we couldn’t do before due to his care needs but we get through it. The last thing our loved ones want to see is not doing the things we like. I am a firm believer that they are up there watching us.

It is difficult though but just take baby steps and try not to let the guilt eat you up x

#5

Hi Sam M

I lost my dad 6 weeks ago and I was watching Gogglebox on Friday night (having a right laugh with a glass of wine) and suddenly stopped to think. This is the first time I’ve felt some normality since losing Dad. Since then I’ve just been sad.

But this is me talking to you - your Dad wouldn’t want you to be sad and to feel guilty 2 years on. He would be proud you’re getting on with things.

It’s good you posted here as I’m sure there are lots of people feeling the same 2 weeks, 2 years or 20 years in.

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