Hello to everyone. I’m afraid I’m struggling with grief over my Mam’s death. My Mam was 87 but over the last year her health declined a lot. I live 50 minutes away and work full time and always spent Sundays with her - either taking her out for dinner or bringing over a home made dinner. The day she died in hospital my brother savagely abused me saying I’d done “eff all” to help her and that Mam knew which one of her children loved and cared for her and it wasn’t me. He still won’t speak to me aside from necessary funeral arrangements. He and my sister in law did a lot for Mam in the last couple of years they live only 15: minutes away. When she was well enough I took her on holiday, to the theatre regularly, shopping etc but over the last year she only felt well enough to go out for walks with me pushing her in her wheelchair. My friends have assured me that I did my best for Mam but my brother insists il a selfish deluded bitch. I’m sorry for the diatribe but I’m starting to think there is some truth in his words.
I am sorry to hre of your mams passing.
The guilt monster will stalk you it stalks most of us, do not let it in! people have their narrative, it will change with time, you loved your mam she loved you. She undoubtdly knew this and you have to cherish the memories, she will always be with you in all that you are. take care.
Hi Jbt
How cruel of your brother to say such things. That is awful. I know he is grieving too but to make you feel guilty is unacceptable.
You lived far away and visited every week, took her out and went to places. You did a lot. Be happy that your mum was happy seeing you every week.
I am the youngest of 5 children. I am the only one who looks after my mum. She is in a care home now due to advanced alzheimer’s as I could no longer cope. My eldest sister stopped all contact 40 yrs ago due to a controlling husband. My sister Linda helped with mum but unfortunately died 18 yrs ago. My eldest brother moved to USA and no longer rings (once a year if mum was lucky) and the other brother is who know’s a wandering alcoholic. I won’t be telling them when my mum dies because my mum always said, if they can’t see me when I’m alive then why should they see me when I’m dead..
Sounds bad I know.
Just want you to realise that you have been a good daughter to your mum and she knew you loved her and spent time with her even though you were far away. You have nothing to feel bad about. Sending you a big hug. X
Do what you feel you need to do at the funeral. Be kind to yourself xx
Thank you so much for those very kind words. I’m so sorry to hear of the very difficult situation you are in with your mum. It sounds as if you’ve devoted most of your time to looking after her and she obviously appreciated this so much.
My Mam always used to say to me “live your life, I’ve had mine” but I always made sure I was there on a Sunday . Once a month I went to a soul event so that weekend I would take her shopping on a Saturday or out somewhere instead. It just breaks my heart to think that Mam thought I didn’t love her or care for her. I rang her every night and we always said “love you loads” to each other. I don’t know what to do with myself on a Sunday now. One of my friends pointed out that my brother wouldn’t dare behave like this with me if I had a husband or partner and I think she is right.
Hi Jbt,
Thankyou for your kind words too. Your Mam would never have thought of you not caring at all. You spoke every night and said I love you, that says it all and seeing her every weekend is a big commitment. Was it Northern Soul do’s you went to I wonder. That music has kept me going. Music helps everybody.
Your friend is right if your husband was there then he wouldn’t have been so hurtful. I think he’s lashing out with his grief but that is for him to deal with. You have your own grief to handle. I do hope he apologises to you sooner rather than later. Only because its too late for my siblings to make up with me. I’m done with them and that’s ok with me.
In the words of Northern Soul, Keep on keeping on and Keep the Faith. Take care my friend x Your Mam loved you x
How kind you are! Thank you so much. It’s just soul rather than Northern Soul, I’m not a big Northern fan but they also had a once a month Northern day at the same venue and a lot of my music pals are big Northern fans - all great dancers too! We were a very musical family actually so always had music growing up.
I’m so sorry about what you’ve gone through with your siblings. My Mam was so sad as she just wanted me and my brother to get on, but it seemed that the more of a life I began to have, the more he resented me.
Keep the faith too, and here to chat any time.
Julie
You seem to have had a lovely family upbringing, same as me. Having music in your life is a good thing. Tell your friends I dance to Northern soul in my house still at 57 yrs old. The knees start to hurt though, too much boogaloo. Haha..
Take care Julie, speak again Marion x
Ah thank you Marion, I dance all the time, so you keep dancing too. My Dad was an excellent drummer, trombonist and pianist and my Mam was a pianist with a lovely singing voice when she was younger. Thank you for your kind words tonight which I really appreciate 
Julie
Wow, very talented family. Amazing..
My husband played the trombone in his school band. They made 2 albums.
I used to do dancing like on Strictly come dancing and used to go to competitions.
But unfortunately I cannot sing, I try but my mum who had a lovely voice would tell me to not bother trying. 
x
My husband didn’t like me singing in his ear either xx
You keep on dancing my friend, I’m right there beside you.
Are you trying to say you have less than the voice of an angel Marion?? I’m sure your singing is lovely. And wow, a proper ballroom dancer that’s really impressive! What was your favourite dance?
Hey,
I definitely do not have a voice of an angel, nowhere near but it doesn’t stop me trying.
I stopped dancing at 15yrs old. I did ballroom, latin american,disco and something else. For 5 years.
I got up to 1st Gold bar in exams. I do like ballroom as it is so graceful. Maybe thats why i like Northern because i can glide across the floor. Especially when there was talc about. Don’t think they allow it now as people used to fall and hurt themselves. Or was that the drink ???
I definitely think it was the talc, I think proper Northern soul dancers are too focused on music to drink much!
Forgot to say your brother making 2 albums is so impressive! What sort of musical genre?
Mmm. Not sure about that. Dancing is easier when drinking.
It was a school choir band. Not sure of the genre, not listened to it in a while. He didn’t make it out to be a big thing. Very modest.
He was perfect for me. Xx
Ah god sorry it was your husband, I’m sorry, my mind isn’t right at the moment. Please forgive me for that mistake, I’m glad you had a good man in your life xx
Oh don’t worry. Its ok. Xx