Just wondering, does anyone suffer with guilt regarding our loved one,
I feel completely in bits for certain things I said and things I didn’t say to him, always round and round- I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have said that- I miss him with every fibre of my being- cannot bear tomorrow let alone any kind of future- just don’t want it, just want to be with him so desperately.
Dear Rubyroo, I am doing the same and torturing myself. My husband has only been gone just over 2 weeks. Today has been full of terror and panic. I cannot accept the foreverness of this.
My son tells me that having arguments, saying things we dont mean, not saying what we long to say now are all part of normal life. When our beloved other half of us dies we have so many regrets and bear ourselves up. We think of if only this and if only that and think we could have prevented things.
I go back constantly and i keep asking myself " did he know how deeply I loved him". That weighs on me. Apparently this is all an horrendous part of grief. It is so awful and adds to the indescribable pain we are feeling. I empathise with you and send love. Xxxxx
Rubyroo12 and Barbarad
I feel exactly the same as you both do.Just over 4 months have passed since my dear wife passed and i am wishing i had done more for her.rang the ambulance earlier than i did.Phoned the hospital and told them of the awful side effects the tablets were having on her.I just feel so guilty about these things.I promised her i would always be with her then this happened and i cant be with her now.I keep talking to her and saying;“i wish you were still here with me"and i keep telling her iam so sorry i didnt do more.I just feel im not living anymore just existingThats one of the things i keep asking bBarbara"did she know how deeply i loved her” I will do so until the day i go.Take good care of yourselvesxx
Dear Brummy, I really empathise with you. I listened to someone talking about all the guilt on utube. He said it is the brain " trying to take control ". I’ve been thinking about that concept but I dont fully understand it yet. The guilt is so awful but I suppose it’s about trying to think we could have prevented it or made it have a different outcome.
If only we were always perfect. If only we could prempt things so something so devastating could never happen. I, like you, keep thinking why didn’t I realise what was happening, why didnt I carry out CPR immediately instead of waiting for the ambulance, and it goes on and on. I am sending love to you. We seem to need to punish ourselves because we couldn’t save the person who means everything to us and is our whole World. Hugs x
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Dear Barbara
I agree with everything you said about the guilt we are feeling.I know its all “what ifs” but nothing will bring our loved ones back to us.Like yourself i dont fully understand the concept of the brain"tring to take control"I keep asking myself why the consultant my wife was under didnt tell me how ill she was?This time of the day i find so difficult and upsetting.the quietness, the lonelliness.We used to do everything together, watching tv, eating, just general chatting.Now nothing.I loved her with all my heart and i will until the day i depart this earth.She meant the world to me.I just cannot contemplate a future without her.I am sending love to you too Barbara and Hugs too.Take good care of yourselfxx
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We all suffer with guilt, just over 3 months since I lost my wife and yes I still wonder if there was anything else I could have done, thinking of all the things I said during the inevitable arguments that we had but also realise that we loved each other deeply in fact it was much greater than love we were symbionts for each other 99.9% of the time so when Hazel was taken away I was ripped in half and left with a feeling of total hollowness, Guilt is just one of the many emotions that I go through every day nothing prepares you for this.
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As with most people, I had a bucketful of guilt and carried it about for far too long.
I learnt from mindfulness that I had to give myself the same compassion I would give my best friend. I’ve no better friend than myself.
It doesn’t totally prevent it, but I’m far far better at dealing with it.
Here’s some bedtime reading :