Guilt

I know. That’s trite. Dx

It is very true though. Very easy to go over everything we could have done more. Everything we should have said. Beating ourselves up over things we didn’t do. It’s a horrible part of grief. I still struggle with it. But it’s getting better.

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Dear Fran. When my 94 year Father was dying I sat for 4 hours holding his hand while he gasped for each breath. As I could not stand any more I nipped outside for a smoke. I was gone 10 minutes. When I came back he had taken his last breath. The guilt is still with me after 4 years and 2 months. When I was caring for my 91 year old mother, I got her out of bed as usual one morning to put her on the toilet. She asked me to put her down and I said “Not yet Mum I have to put you on the toilet.” She screamed out then dropped dead on the toilet. That was in March. The guilt every day cripples me. After that I have had to sell the family home that they had for over 70 years. Not only have a lost my lovely Dad, my very loving Mum and also the family home. I am beside myself and heartbroken. I feel as though I have lost everything. I am also feeling very lonely and I do not have any more family. So I understand your guilty feelings. I know the daily pain and agony you are going through and I see each day as a battle. I have not returned to work as I don’t think I could cope with it. My Mum passed with sudden death and I see it in my mind every day and wish that I had put her down when she asked. Although she was very poorly I doubt it would have made a difference. People tell me it gets easier although I find that hard to believe. I feel as though I am living on another planet. I go through each day in a trance trying to believe what has happened. I know all this will not make you feel better but you are not alone with guilty feelings. I hope you get through it and myself for that matter. But at the moment I don’t know how people deal with these things.
Take care
Thinking of you
Fay xxx

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Dear all,
I too do believe our energies will connect again and also have seen signs Audrey. And felt his presence at times. But I want to hold him And talk to him face to face. And although I can feel really positive I can feel so bad again too. Like Margaret 1 said it really is going to be a long process. And sometimes it can get really tiring.
Love to all
Cheryl

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Cheryl,
All our energies are connected. We are all made of the the same stuff.
Old Einstein caught the whole thing in his famous equation E =MC*C. We are concentrated energy indestructible, eternal all our experiences are little fluctuations of that eternal energy. That travel at the speed of light and hence experience no time. Everything we have done or felt is eternal and will forever be. So we will always be with those we loved as they will be with us. It is the way it is. Caught in that eternal dance.
Hope that cheered you up.
Nit nit
George

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Hello Cheryl 105 my name is Sharon I have just read you post sorry to read about your husband my husband died nov 21 after 41 tears and 3 children my husband had heart failure he also had 2 heart attacks he was supposed to have had a icd fitted but was so scared as he had endxstage kidney failure and was on dialysisx3 days a week for 4 hours each time as he was told this device could do more damage reading your story I wish I had made him had it done perhaps it might have gave him a few more years with us I am just so overwhelmed with so much guilt I blame myself found out later he actually died from a fatal arrythmia which is a abnormal heart beat take care