We were married 42 years, together for 44. We were totally inseparable and in love but circumstances in last 4 years of his life made our relationship strained. My husband refused to accept his stage 4 cancer diagnosis and he would not discuss it with me right to the end. I cared for and nursed him throughout his illeostomy and chemotherapy which reduced a healthy, fit and proud man to a shadow of himself. Now he’s gone I cannot recall our many happy years, all I can think of is the guilt of still being here and of not making him accept his situation and talk to me so we could recall our love and blissful life together before he passed away.


These feelings can be overwhelming can’t they, but try not to feel guilty. This whole situation is something that’s out of our control. I often feel that I should be the one in the ground, not my husband. He never asked for much in life. He is missed by us all desperately.

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I have felt terrible guilt about my husband being the one to die, and not me. For some reason we both ‘knew’ i would go first, how wrong can you be. He never asked for much, was fit, worked hard, and it makes no sense. But, i am glad he is not having to go through this, because i know it would have truly broken him. :broken_heart:.

Yes I don’t think my husband would have liked it at all having one and a half legs. I feel so guilty that he had his leg mutilation for nothing when he didn’t really want to.
The pandemic meant he didn’t get seen got checking his feet which worsened in lockdown so when he was seen was downward here we come but pleased I had him in that time and he didn’t catch COVID and die of that . Pleased we kept away and didn’t do what lots people did as those last times were precious to me. Not worth risking COVID for.
Although I feel guilty for moaning and trying to keep him save I don’t really regret my decision.

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I know exactly what you mean. So much guilt of all sorts. Why him and why me, why did I shout at him when he was poorly, why did I shout at him ever. Why do I get jealous of other couples.

It’s sh*t

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