I lost my Dad nearly 4 weeks ago unexpectedly. It has been a whirlwind organising the funeral and getting things in order and I’ve purposefully kept busy to get through it. We had the funeral on Wednesday and now the grief has suddenly hit hard.
I feel guilty because although I loved my Dad, there were quite a number of years where we didn’t have much contact. We hadn’t fallen out but he was in a toxic relationship and she wanted nothing to do with us so he sneaked out to see us when he could but he chose her over us. I’m angry with him and angry with myself for not spending more time together. However I’m also glad he was happy with her, despite everything he was very lonely and she made him happy which he really deserved, he had a huge heart and would never have wanted to hurt us. We became closer when his health deteriorated a few years ago and the woman disappeared and my brother and I were there for him. I was still angry and I’m ashamed to say there were times I still didn’t answer his calls, but in the last 6 months we were a lot closer.
I’m feeling like I don’t deserve to feel this grief so deeply and miss him this much because of the distance between us at times, but he was still my Dad and I wish I’d told him more about the amazing traits he had and not knocking him for the choices he made that hurt. Has anybody had a similar relationship with a parent and felt this way?
I’m so sorry that you are on this journey too. My words may not offer comfort, but guilt is a normal part of grief. Try not to be hard on yourself. You were there when your dad needed you. And he knew that.
My mum passed away 6 weeks ago. I feel guilty for lots of reasons. Our relationship improved once I had the children.
I’m trying to focus on positive and happy memories to overcome the guilt
Hi, guilt and regret are sadly part of the grief journey. It’s torment to torture yourself with all the what ifs and should haves… I suggest focusing on the love and the positive memories. However, it’s difficult, so be kind to yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time. Best wishes xxx
Thanks for your replies.
Working on remembering the happy times rather than wallowing in guilty feelings.
Hadn’t expected the grief to hit so hard after the funeral. I know it’s only early days but the emotions are so overwhelming xxx