I’ve been reading some of the conversations on here and don’t really know where to start with mine. We lost my mum suddenly on 2nd Feb after she had a haemorragic stroke. There was literally nothing the hospital could do but I still feel like they left her to die. I have a lot of traumatic memories from the hospital which I need to deal with seperately but I can’t deal with the fact my mums gone. The fact I’ll never speak to her again or see her in this lifetime. I feel lost and empty without my mum. I saw her and spoke to her everyday, she was a massive part of her grandkids lives. The hardest thing is my mum wasn’t ready to go, she was otherwise healthy and she fought so hard. I take comfort in that my grandparents were in their 90s and ready to go, ready to be with one another again. My mum was terrified, she wasn’t unconscious. She knew what was going on. She screamed nurse save me. She said if there was a 1% chance of survival even if it meant disability she wanted it for her grandchildren. No one else seems to get it, everyone thinks i need to get on with my life, that’s what mum would have wanted. I just can’t I feel exhausted and drained. I want this all to be a bad dream. I just don’t know how to continue without her.
I’m so sorry @Katie268 that sounds awful 
I resonate with a lot of what you said. My mum fought so hard in the hospital too and she was so desperate to live and be there for me still. My mum also had a stroke and it was awful and stopped her from having the cancer treatment she needed. I don’t know how we deal with feeling they should still be here and it wasn’t there time to go. I really feel my mum wasn’t ready either and she wasn’t that old. I feel exhausted all the time too
I think we just have to carry on because we have no choice. We take things one day at a time. We don’t put too much pressure on ourselves. We feel however we need to feel. And we keep talking to others who understand about it. It will never make what happened better or fair but it might make us feel less alone in how awful it is. And I keep talking to my mum too in hopes she can hear me still 
Thinking of you, take care x
@Woo4 thank you for your message. I’m sorry to hear about your mum and that she was also battling cancer. Life is so cruel. My mum was 77 but she was so young at heart. I don’t know how to live without my mum but I’ve read similar things about taking one day at a time, I often look ahead and start panicking that she’s not here and never will be.
Hi @Katie268 I’m the same and panic when I look to the future without her here. It’s easier not to look ahead and just take things hour by hour, day by day. It’ll soon be my mum’s birthday, the first I’ve had without her, and I don’t know how I’ll get through it. But I know I still want to include her and celebrate her and think of her. I did at Christmas too and still bought her a present and unwrapped it. It was sad but it made me feel closer to her and like I was still involving her and thinking about what she’d like, then I keep it on her behalf. Maybe you can try that to see if it helps, to still include her in things so she’s not truly gone xx
So very sorry for your loss and the way it happened. 
People don’t usually get it, unfortunately, unless they’ve been through it themselves. It’s early days for you, just be kind to yourself. You’re in shock having been through something traumatic, and nothing will make sense right now. Sending hugs!
So sorry to hear this it happed to my mum as well she had a stroke but was unable to speak but knew exactly what was happening to her a few days after the stroke she had a cardiac arrest and was on life support but there was nothing they could do I really do know what your going through she was also absolutely fine before this and it is a massive shock it’s only been a few weeks for me as well so I really do understand what your going through sending love xxxx
Hi thank you for messaging I’m sorry for your loss. It’s been 6 weeks today (7 weeks since her stroke). Some days are better than others. I just saw a Robin for the first time (Robin was my mums last name so always have meant a lot in addition to what people say about robins), I cried.
I miss my mum so much, every little thing I feel sad that she’s missing out and I can’t share it with her. Today I’ve been having flashbacks of when she had her stroke. I’m just so sad. I wish I could bring her home. Even though I know shes gone, I still expect her to walk through the door or message me. 
How are you doing? Xx
I’m having goodish days and bad days but it’s still early days so I suppose it will be like this for a while the last few days I’ve been feeling a lot of anger it’s been 5 weeks for me so everything is still so raw like you I keep thinking I’m in a bad dream it was also her birthday last week and Mother’s Day a few days after so everything is just hitting all at once xx
Totally agree Mother’s Day was hard. I’m a mum myself but just asked my husband not to even acknowledge it, my kids are young enough to not notice. I’ve cried a few times today. It’s so shit isn’t it. Someone told me once sudden death is like normal grief but with the volume turned up regarding the intensity, I resonate with that so much. Always here if you ever want to chat or vent! It’s early days for us both. Oh and yea to the anger, I feel it too. I feel angry about so much, feel like the hospital failed her, feel angry about other people having their mums whilst mine is gone. So many emotions… X
We are the same with the hospital she was actually up and walking ready to be moved back to our local hospital when it all happened and we think something was missed there is an inquest as well as to what happened I’m here as well if you need to vent xxx