Hard week

Not coping very well this week.Its very clear dont have any friend’s to lean on.They were more my husbands than mine …He thought they would look after me so wrong.Crying alot and very lonely got no idea how to get through this He was my best friend and now thats all gone Where do I fit in now. Cant be with my children 24/7 they have their grieving to do and lives to live.Just so lost :pensive:

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Oh Tracey so sorry for your loss . Losing your soulmate is so hard i know i lost mine 2 years ago today. And yes friends have deserted me also not even texted today on the anniversary. Sod em all . Wouldnt have hurt em to see how im doing after all there promises to Jim they would look out for me so not only have they let me down their let him down and thats unforgivable. I to hate this life and wish i was with him after all no one would miss me .x

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I totally understand where you are coming from people say if anything I can do let me know but I found I don’t know what I need you can’t say yes I need company as they have their own lives I haven’t really heard from any of my husbands friends not even a text just to say hi
It’s about keeping busy but that’s not easy as you don’t want to do anything it’s different from losing a parent or anything like that because your partner is your best friend, your lover and lots of other things I recently gog a new job I got really upset because I couldn’t share it with my husband it hurts so much

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@Tracey57 People just don’t understand how utterly devastating this can be. I have been disappointed with many friends and whatI viewed as lack of assistance. But then I wonder what it is that I actually want them to do? they can’t take away the pain, they can’t bring my wife back, they could listen but they won’t understand. it went round in my head for many a weary week. My wife was my best friend and I think of what she would advise, I watched her struggle and face her situation on many occasion and it’s remembering that that gets me through, she wanted everything that life had and that never changed even at the end. I take that and I hold it tight and I move ever on. I just spent the last week with her brother and now I’m back I feel lonely, but then I can come on here and talk with people in the same boat, it helps. Hoping its helping you.

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We’ve got to keep the faith that there is a new beginning out there.

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Yes it does help knowing that other people are going through the same thing I think that it’s me and that I’m asking to much from others but no it’s not really because you just need to talk sometime but people always seem to busy and I think they think oh no not this again

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@Noodles1 I know what you mean, it’s difficult and, I found, a bit pointless sometimes as when I did have the opportunity and did talk to someone about what I was going through they simply didn’t understand, they wanted to listen but couldn’t relate to what I was saying. It was and still is a difficult experience for me. People make excuses and rely on tradition and habit to move away from the grieving, unless they understand. And here we are on this site.

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Yes very true but it is nice to talk to you all

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I have tried to book or plan something each day, a walk with a friend or similar because otherwise I am just so lonely. The person I would turn to and have a hug with is dead and that makes it so hard.
Today I woke up and knew it was a bad day, I cried a lot and wanted someone to message me to ask me to go for a walk, no one did and it is so hard to keep asking people as I feel like it is too much for them to have to keep putting up with me and they all have their lovely lives. I ended up asking a friend’s husband if he was going to walk their dog and he knew straight away that I needed company so came and got me and took me to their house and before I knew it I had plans for a couple of walks and the day hadn’t been as bad as it started off.
For me I need to see and talk to people so I need to actually call and ask them, I need to get over being worried about spoiling their day, it’s just hard, I never want to inconvenience anyone.
Huge hugs

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@Tracey57 I totally understand the loneliness and not wanting to be a burden to your children. I have made a conscious effort to make new social contacts because felt I had been leaning on my daughter too much (she’s an adult with her own family). My friends have been good but they all are still couples and they really don’t understand. Like @NotReader I find trying to fill your day is the best way to beat the loneliness. I make lists and tick them off. So that every day I have a list of things to do, some mundane like food shop or household chores but also visiting people, meeting someone for coffee etc. Hope this helps. Sending hugs

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@Jan17 I found lists worked really well for me too. Then I started putting “ME” on the lists and trying to work out something that I would want to do in the structure of the day, week, month. Sometimes I go and visit Cathedrals and light a candle, sometimes I walk to a destination and do something there. Roll and sausage, buy a new book, bit of cake. I try and give myself a bit of me, build a new way. A new life

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@Walan exactly. This is what I’m trying to do too. It’s difficult and some days are better than others but I’m trying to create a life because my husband was robbed of his.

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@Jan17 Trying to live my life for my Wife is the only thing that really makes any sense to me. She really wanted to live, she wasn’t ready to go. But she did and I’m left behind. All I can do is go on for her, for me.

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@Walan this totally resonates with me. My husband was the same. He tried everything to be here.

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I think I will try and do some lists have thought about it I just don’t want to do anything my house has gone to pot I have my youngest son living with me and he is a good lad helps me best he can he is struggling too x

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I am finding it hard to keep on top of the house too, everything seems so much effort and much harder than ever but I do love a clean room and bathroom so started with them and will slowly get round the house. Just one step at a time and be kind to yourself. This is not easy x

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Hi
I totally agree keeping busy has kept me going. It’s over two years for me and once I had sorted out all the financials and other rubbish I felt I had to something positive. So I decided to volunteer twice a week at a local community hub/food bank. To be honest it has saved me. The group of ladies who I volunteer with are just great and knowing I am giving back something really lifts me. I know it’s not for everyone but getting out there being part of a team has kept me sane and I know my darling John would be so proud - well I hope so anyway.

Much love
Georgina

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@Walan i read your posts and find them inspirational. You show me a way forward and inspire hope. Your love shines through in all your words. Xx

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Thanks Pudding, tbh it’s really just a reflection of everything I read on here, the words of you, the words of everyone. It all helps to see the clearer picture

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Chat anytime, this is all so very sad i think reading all these posts that we need each other.

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