Harder now then ever

Today I have found life harder than ever. It is nine months since my husband passed away. I have tried to be positive and people think I cope very well. Today, I just wanted to be with him and thought how easy it would be to end my life.


Hi Pandora

Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Some days really feel harder than others after losing a loved one.
There are lots of people here who are in a similar position to you, and feeling low in mood is common.

It may be sensible for you to access some Bereavement Counselling Support to help you with managing your feelings at moment.

I really hope that things start to feel a bit less bleak with time and support.

Feel free to chat to others here and to take comfort from their shared experiences and support.

Take care


It’s 9 months since I lost my mam and I thought I was doing OK but this weekend I have struggled. I have succumbed to more tears when I thought I had none left and have such oains to just talk to her.

You’re not alone.

Thinking of you and sending hugs

1 Like

Hi @PANDORA136, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are really tough right now and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. Everyone here has suffered the loss of a loved one and I hope you find our community provides you with some of the help and support you need.

I would encourage you to have a look at this article as you might find insightful, even if it simply reassures you that how you are feeling is normal.

There is lots of support out there and I have added a list here of resources that I would really encourage you to reach out to whenever you need:

    • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
    • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service that many people here have found really beneficial. It’s a free service and sessions are held via video chat, so you can attend from home. You’ll find more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please do get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,


Online Community team

Thankyou for messages and support feeling a little better today.


Dear Pandora,
I am so sorry for your loss.
My husband passed fourteen months ago and not a day goes by when I do not wish to join him, but at least half a dozen of us on here made a ‘pinky swear’ not to take any harmful action… This is mainly because I believe one would end up in a different place; rather counterproductive… So please ‘pinky swear’…
Hang on: come on this site; rail at the senselessness of it all… talk about your feelings and dreams…
A big hug.

1 Like

Beetango thankyou for your lovely message. I ‘pinky swear’ not to do anything to harm myself.
I feel much better now and I think it is good that you can talk to others who are in similar situations.
Thanyou once again xx

1 Like

Dear Pandora,
I did feel to cry when I felt your pinkyswear… All we want is to be with our loves, yet we wake up in the mornings and trudge through the day… How raw we are!!! I have a little dog who came from the rescue centre and she needs looking after… I hope you have those who look in from time to time although I don’t feel as if I am good company, I don’t know how you feel.
Big hug.

1 Like

Dear Pandora,
I so like the poem ‘ NIGHTIME’ that has been posted on the site. It did make me feel calmer for a while.
Big hug.

Hi @Beetango

I pinky swear too. I often say at moments I just don’t want to wake up but I don’t feel I would do something to precipitate it but it’s a scary, dark place to be.

We did have a family member take their life in the 90s and the pain is still here today so I know what it leaves behind but understand the pain or not clear thinking the person is in. Also like you said, what if doing that meant I went to a different section after?! I am not heaven/hell, driven deeply by religion but still makes me wonder if J would mess up a natural order of things. Odd isn’t it

@PANDORA136 sending big hugs. It’s tough but we are here together x

Beki x

Hi Beki and Pandora,
Glad we are keeping each other safe despite the despair which is so strong and could drive us…
Big hug…

1 Like