Haunted by end of life care

last year my dad was very poorly with peripheral artery disease , he had gangrene that was diagnosed as a verruca twice, cut a long story short , I called the dr out (that was not easy) he was taken to hospital , due to a covid relapse we weren’t allowed to visit, he also had vascular dementia, he came home 4 days later, no plan in place , he basically had no circulation form the knees down in both his legs. Myself my mum and brothers had to care for him at home , I had to fight to call drs out to assess him, I had to fight to get a adult social care assessment , which I did and they got him a hospital bed for the lounge as he couldn’t make it up the stairs and other things, he was so poorly screaming out in agony , along with urine infections , he couldn’t get out of bed to use the toilet, we were told that his toes may fall off, eventually he was put on a syringe driver , I had to drive around the county to get his morphine for the driver on more than one occasion, as they didn’t have it in any of our 3 local pharmacies , he was still screaming out in agony after an hour or so so kept having to call them out, to find out he wasn’t being given a strong enough dose , after 8 days they sorted his dose, he finally fell asleep at home after 11 days being in the driver . I now struggle and get so stressed and anxious being around people that need caring for ,this has been nearly two years. I still struggle to remember my dad for the good times without being haunted by what he went through .and feeling guilty that I could have done more . Is this normal TIA

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Thank you so much for your reply. OMG! I am so so so sorry to hear what you are going through. I never thought you could have PTSD with something like this, maybe you are right and I would seek some counselling , thinking of you at this most awful time xxx

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Hi both, end of life care is traumatic, and any trauma can lead to PTSD. When you can please seek help and support. I feel like I have the same issue after being with 2 relatives this year and being with them at end of life. I found it very traumatising x

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Thank you , perhaps I will seek some help, I thought after 2 years it would get better, but just can’t stop reliving it - sending you love

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