I lost my darling husband just over a year ago, suddenly beside me in bed. Since that day I have struggled both emotionally and mentally but with the help and support of my family and friends I have at last realised John is not coming back.
I recently met up with a cousin who now lives in Australia when he was here on a visit and his parting message was for me to visit him. Firstly I dismissed it out of hand but my sons and family said “why not ?” and today I messaged my cousin to tell him I would accept his invitation.
Have I done the right thing ? Everyone says yes and I deserve this. Would my darling John agree ? Possibly not (it wasn’t a place he was interested in visiting) so I feel torn. Of course I can change my mind any time as we’re only at the planning stage but this last year I have used all the energy I have supporting my sons and grandchildren so I feel this amazing opportunity would do me good.
I miss my darling every minute of every day but as I sit here alone writing this I’m looking for a sign that he would be ok with this decision. He always let me have anything I wanted when he was alive so half of me feels he would say “go on girl you go for it”. He worked all his life to leave me financially secure so the cost doesn’t come into it. But I still think I’m spending his money when in fact it’s our savings. Oh I don’t know
I’m sure that John would want you to get some pleasure in your life @Georgie15.
You know he wanted you to have anything you wanted when he was here so why would he not want that for you still? In fact, surely he’d want you to have that even more, given your sadness for the last year ?
You say he wanted you to be “financially secure”.
That’s a good thing too and doesn’t mean you should just spend money on paying the energy bills.
Definitely go for it and good on you Mrs for taking the opportunity to spread your wings a little.
Good morning ! Thank you so much for your advice. I have tossed and turned all night wondering if I’m doing the right thing but after speaking with my cousin last night I think I’ll go for it. It’s just timing now and working out the best way to get there.
I messaged my boys last night and they were so happy for me and I joked they can wave goodbye to a big chunk of their inheritance.
Wherever I am in the world I feel John will always be beside me guiding so I’m not afraid one bit of travelling alone.
Thank you It’s just so good that I have this forum to share my feelings and share how I am feeling outside my circle of family and friends who have all been unbelievable and only want the best for me.
You sound like me I also cannot make a decision on anything. 1 day I think I should move house which is what my husband wanted and the next day I think I can’t possibly sort through all the stuff in the house ! But even small things like the light in the bathroom is Flickering so needs attention but I still haven’t got it sorted!!
I’m sure John would definitely want you to go. As hard as it is we have to try and get on with the life we have left. I also have trouble making decisions all part of adapting to being on our own I suppose. It’s so hard not having our other halves to talk these things over with.
Enjoy planning your trip xx
Hi Annie
Oh I can make decisions but always question myself. Despite everyone saying how well I’m doing I still think “what would John say or do”. So I am constantly having a word with myself. Every major decision I make I discuss with my sons and they just say “it’s up to you mum whatever makes you happy” . This big one travelling to the other side of the world on my own is by far the craziest thing I have ever done.
Fingers crossed it’ll all work out fine. I have lovely family over there who are so keen to have me visit and what an opportunity. I just wish John was by my side but he’ll be in my heart guiding me.
I so wish I had your courage. Even the thought of going for a holiday abroad without my Ron breaks my heart and for 4 years I have not had a holiday.
You are going somewhere you had not been with your hubby so it will be a wonderful opportunity to try something new. I am sure it will be a new adventure for you and an opportunity to make memories of a different kind. Enjoy it!
Hi there thank you I am sure it will be strange for me and like you I’ve not been abroad since John died. I plan to take two of the grandchildren to Spain in August for a couple of nights while my sons goes to a stag do in Berlin. My daughter in law suggested it. As for going to the over side of the world it’s gonna be weird but I’m sure I can do this and John will always be beside me whatever I do.
It’s so hard isn’t it? I too am due to go on my 1st holiday without my husband, life has to go on, as we all know it can be cut short to soon. Go and make new memories and he will be always with you x
I’ve just discovered Embark2 via a post on here which is a forum for widows and widowers and which organises non profit making group holidays. I lost my husband last July. I have booked for a walking holiday in August. I am nervous but I know Glen would want me to do it.
Good for you ! I am so pleased you have decided to take the plunge and take a holiday by yourself. I’ve had the odd weekend away and plan to go to Spain for a couple of nights but Australia will be another hurdle. I am determined to go and prove to myself I’ve got this. John will be laughing his socks off but not at all surprised as he always said I never ceased to amaze him.
In any case I know he’ll be by my side.
Georgina xx
goodbye to a big chunk of their inheritance.
!!
It’s just so good that I have this forum to share my feelings and share how I am feeling outside my circle of family and friends who have all been unbelievable and only want the best for me.
I am sure it will be strange for me and like you I’ve not been abroad since John died. I plan to take two of the grandchildren to Spain in August for a couple of nights while my sons goes to a stag do in Berlin. My daughter in law suggested it. As for going to the over side of the world it’s gonna be weird but I’m sure I can do this and John will always be beside me whatever I do.