Having a meltdown

So , I’m here on my own , well my two fur babies are here but I’m not sure if they completely understand what or how I’m feeling xx I think I have got to the anger stage , why would you leave me? What the hell am I supposed to do? How do I deal with your family who only are interested in what they can get? How do I go on? The most us endless :disappointed::broken_heart::kissing_heart::broken_heart::disappointed:

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It is properly shit. I don’t know what else to say.

What are the family doing? It’s such a shame they are making you worse instead of trying to help :frowning:

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Hi. MrsT1. We pass through so many stages in this bereavement process, and anger can be one of them, and it can be so draining. Our energy levels are very low already and anger and resentment drain us still further. We become angry with the world, with life and the seemingly unfairness of it all. Why him? Why me? Unanswerable questions, and we can go round in circles looking for answers. But flogging ourselves in this way is not good at all. I know, been there, and it’s so difficult not to feel angry. Your two pets must give you some little comfort. It’s someone to talk to even if they can’t answer back! You go on from day to day or even hour to hour. You may not feel it at the moment, but as time passes it does get that little bit easier. And little bits eventually add up to big bits. Look after yourself and your two fur babies.
Blessings and best wishes. John.

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I know this feeling i feel lonely after losing my partner in june although have our daughter dosent help this isnt my hometown so have no family
Partners family dont seem to bother much now i dont get msgs anymore but I have different views as donr feel they helped with his drinking my mum and my sister are 200 miles away my family so small now i lost dad 4 years ago and have no grandparents left. I thought i waa doing ok but im so angry at the things my partner did that i never knew until recently so hurt i was doing okish but gone back to anger ita a horrible rollercoaster of emotions thats going to take a long time i know that x

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I’m having a bad night. I feel so angry. I can’t see anything good ever happening and even the people in my close family who are what kept me alive since my husband’s death last month I am just fuming with due to various small things that I know are an overreaction so I am trying to keep it in but I am LIVID!!!

I also feel guilty as I know there are a lot of people who would give anything to have their close family with them and I really appreciate mine generally but I just feel so wound up I have to type in here (been trying not to for 2 days as don’t want to hurt others or be a spoiled brat) or else I risk saying it to them which would be awful after all they have done for me.

Anyway, aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh I am freaking out. Maybe I should go to bed.

Oh bless you its just so hard isnt it i dont know what the future wil bring and scares me thinking about it and i am very angry at things too often feel like packing up and going back to yorshire but i have good friends here a job and my daughter has juat started secondary and has good friends but think im only here because of my daughter id have been long gone but so hard.
Today we would have been together 16 years it hurts but ive not shed 1 tear dont know if thats good or bad tomorow is my birthday too.
Today has been such a long day
You take care xx

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I can totally understand how you are feeling xx I have had a horrendous day xx Managed to get it under control and now in bed . Wonder what tomorrow will bring ?!
Happy birthday for tomorrow Fg15 , you share your birthday with my eldest who is 30 tomorrow , Try to enjoy your day xx
FleurdeLis , I hope tomorrow is a little easier for us all xx
Sleep Well , much love xx

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thank you both and happy birthday to you Fg15.

I feel like I’m going to die soon. Shaking all day and night this last 2 days and with pain between my shoulder blades like my husband had before the heart attack and feeling I can’t breathe. hiding it from my mum as I can’t be bothered not dying anymore. Then my mum went for a shower and I came on here. She just came back in the bedroom disgusted told me she caught my young male cat trying to wee in the handbasin (I don’t think he was, he is really clean and litter trained but he likes to play with water). somehow it made me laugh.

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Hi Fleur. That sounds like a panic attack which is totally understandable. Can you talk to your GP? He might be able to give you something to help. Sometimes you just want to be alone, but in your circumstances that would be worse. The only thing I can suggest is asking your family to leave you alone if you go into your bedroom. It is all so difficult. I am alone and struggling. Hugs, Cx

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Well, you gave me a laugh about the cat. Well, what better place to wee if he wants to. Very sensible cat!!
This question of anger has it’s root in many things. Resentment that life is treating us so badly. Annoyance when someone comes out with the old platitudes. Sadness when we see other couples together. 'Why me? Why was I picked out to suffer like this? The more we ask such unanswerable questions the more angry we get, because there are no immediate answers. Us humans hate the unknown. We want logical answers to our questions and when they are not forthcoming we can get angry, not only with the world in general, but angry with ourselves for being angry. It’s a vicious circle we need to break out of. Anger is a very powerful emotion. It can cause us to do and say things we would never normally do. The physical feelings you have are typical in anxiety, but if they worry you get checked out by your GP. In anxiety, which is always based on fear, our chest muscles tighten and we often feel we are suffocating. Shaking can also be an anxiety symptom. Anxiety can cause all sorts of physical pains. And let’s face it, we are all anxious about ourselves and the future.
Take care of yourself. Bless you, and I do hope there is some improvement in how you feel, if only a little. John.

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@MrsT1 I understand how you feel. Family can be a big help or not depending on how they are feeling. I think sometimes they get fed up with us being so upset all the time. People want to fix us but we can’t be fixed can we? If I didn’t have my cat I don’t think I would be here. She keeps me going and at least I am not talking to the wall. Take care and I hope today is better than it was three days ago. :butterfly: :broken_heart:

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Hi Johnswife , so far today I am getting by xx had my usual sniffle this morning , tears on way home from Mums . Just plodding by xx Hope your well , take care xx

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So sorry your family are so insensitive.
How can alleged family members behave in such a greedy and selfish manner at this time?
My sister in law has been vile since my beloved wife passed away in June this year.
I recently found out she had taken a substantial amount of money from us by deception and told lies to cover herself.
I really detest her for the cruel betrayal to my wife.

Hi @Andrew1, I think we see the ‘real’ personality in people when someone we love passes xx that’s what I’ve seen anyway x I have distanced myself now from negative people regardless of whether they are family or not ! We had a few friends who tbh have been a godsend to me since June , and I can’t thank them enough xx
Take care xx

It can feel really dreadful when people don’t understand how we feel, especially if it is family. They are the ones we turn to for our main support system. My daughter has a very full life of work, friends, socialising etc (not so much with lockdown) but doesn’t understand why I am feeling down after losing my husband ( her stepdad) after 47 years together. I am unable to get out as I have no car or bus service nearby. My family are all 200 miles away. She told me recently that all future phone conversations and e-mails must be in a positive tone or she will change the subject altogether. I never showed my true grief to her anyway. I feel totally at a loss what to talk about as we never had a lot in common to begin with. In contrast my 33 year old grandson has been a tower of strength with constant phone calls, e-mails and checking if I need anything. Life does have some positives if you search for them. I am forever grateful to the other family members and friends that do keep in touch. I am also very blessed that I found this site. it has been a life saver at times. Thanks to all of you.

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Hello Mrs T1,
I fully agree with your comments - i am lucky to be away from home at Christmas and into the new year. My own solitude and thinking space.
It is just so very sad - it should not have to be be like this.
Thank you and take care.
Andrew 1

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