My husband died last Oct of mouth and throat cancer. He was diagnosed in April with a treatment plan. By July he was told it had spread too far for him to have treatment and had palliative support instead. We had amazing hospice support. He was 53 when he died, I’m 52.
I have been supporting my family and went back to work, crying whenever I have needed to, talking to ppl, getting on with things as best I can. I’m lonely and sad but okay.
This month for some reason is harder, loads of memories are hitting me much more frequently, I’m sadder and I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m hoping it might get a little easier, but I’m not so sure it will!
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@Widower2022, I wonder why, what do you think is the significance of this month? I feel for you. You have been doing as well as anyone can in these circumstances. Now it’s come back to bite you. More than a year later.
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Theres no rhym or reason to grief ,i dont think .it can creep back up on you for absolutely no reason . Maybe because you have been the rock for everyone else that its now time for you to look after just you 
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Its very weird grief , my partner died from pancreatic cancer 6/2/2023 because I took time off to nurse him early Jan onwards I’m know back in work ( as a nurse ) although I spin in work I somehow hold it together till I go to drive home , how I get home safely I don’t know I can’ t see for crying , I dunno if it’s that you put a different face on with colleagues , people and it all builds up or if it’s knowing your coming home and your soulmate won’t be there when you step into the house . I hate this new life I just feel like it’s Groundhog Day , no happy times anymore xx keep going we are all in a similar boat xx
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My daughter died in jan this year and im a carer which allowed me to look after her even in the hospice . But yeah i agree you hold it together with colleagues and in workplace and then it all falls apart . All the nurses who looked after her were absolute angels and let me be involved in everything. Personally i think its because we hide all our emotions until we are in a safe private space xx
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Most people say ,think of all the good times ,all the memories you have . But thats not enough for me just now . And i cant remember all the goid memories because she had been sick on and off fir so long xx
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@Martju That’s interesting because I visited my son and his family yesterday 40 miles away. I’ve got used to being there without him now, but I don’t know how I got home safely with all the tears, crying started soon after I set off home. It’s such an empty feeling, going back to the house.
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Yes. Exactly that!
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I do a huge amount of crying and raging against cancer in the car. I literally howled and yelled on the way back from taking my son to school this morning at how unfair it is to take such a wonderful dad, who spent all his spare time with them, from his kids. I think I’ve felt numb for the first 4 weeks but my god today the dam broke and I’ve sobbed all day. It’s like it’s only just sunk in that he’s gone. The pain, like we all know, is indescribable horrible.
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That’s exactly it. The Groundhog Day thing! It’s just so hard isn’t it.
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard we all are suffering.
The injustice of it all, the loneliness, it’s all a massive shock. How people are all walking around oblivious, I was one of those people before all this.
Thank you all for sharing all your stories and thoughts. It would have been my wedding anniversary on 27th. I think it might be that, but lots of memories- this time last year there was a treatment plan and a hopeful outcome. It just wasn’t meant to be. So so sadly.
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