It’s over 2 years now since my husband Derek passed away & I’ve found I’ve been having major wobbles. I think since lockdowns ended & things started up again & events to attend, it’s hit me hard going alone. Tomorrow is our niece’s wedding & it’s the first major family event I’m attending without him. It’s on his side of the family & we’re very close but I’m the only one without their partner as I was only 55 when he died. I know it’s going to be a tough day as it’s supposed to be a happy day & I know I’ll be breaking inside. It’s a hard journey this.
Take care everyone 
Xx
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@Jodel712 I completely understand what you’re saying. My husband died unexpectedly, aged 55, in January this year. I’ve got my father in law’s 80th birthday this weekend and I’m dreading it.
I’m sure when you first arrive at the wedding alone it will be difficult but hopefully you will enjoy some of the day.
I find I don’t want to spend too much time away from home but also that when I get home the silence and loneliness hits me hard again.
It’s also hard to see other couples together. I feel for you and I really hope it isn’t too difficult tomorrow.
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Hi Jode1721
I saw your post and Flossie’s reply and hope that helped you. These waves of emotion do hit us unexpectedly and can shock us with their intensity don’t they?
It sounds as if thoughts of the wedding tomorrow has set all this off, but do you know something? You will get through it - and the love surrounding the occasion will I hope bring some healing.
You could always set yourself a little time limit for the reception, to give yourself permission to leave if it gets too much, somehow that can help take the pressure off.
Let us know how you get on, and take care,
Miche24 x
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Dear Flossie
So little time since you lost your lovely husband, please accept my sympathies. How grateful his family must be to know that you are going to be there for his Dad’s 80th, I’m sure it will be comforting to you all, even if it does get emotional.
There’s no easy way through this my love, but my thoughts and sincere good wishes are with you. I’m glad you are on here, there is so much support and comfort offered by others when you need it.
Reach out to us, and if you need to talk there is always the Samaritans.
Miche24
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I’m sure it will be a hard day for you especially when you first get there. Hope you can manage to enjoy it and just remember it’s what Derek would want you to do.
That helps me through things knowing mark wanted me to get on with my life although I haven’t had to do any big event yet but you are right it’s tough.
Good luck xx
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Thank you @Miche24 for your message. I’m very lucky to have a close relationship with all my husband’s family. I can’t imagine being without them.
It will be tough for us all tomorrow but I know my husband would have wanted us to celebrate together. We will probably be emotional but that’s how it is when you’ve lost someone so important to you. We manage to get through these milestones but they are very difficult.
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Just a little update, it was a most wonderful day & I shed a few tears but overall happiness prevailed. Happy for their journey & as my card said “if they’re as happy as me & their Uncle Derek were they won’t go far wrong.” They’d set up a memorial table for their lost loved ones, that was touching & emotional. Derek on the left on our holidays, the other photo is his Mum & Dad
Sometimes the build up to these days is the hardest part, I suppose getting all cried out the day before was for the best. Family & friends were lovely & supportive & Derek was spoken about often as he meant a lot to other people, not just me. I know he gave me the strength to get through the day & to enjoy it & he will always be there because he’s part of me.
Most important lesson is, it’s ok to have a wobble. Take care everyone & thanks for the support.
Xx
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@Jodel712 I’m so glad the wedding went well. How lovely that they were so thoughtful. Also nice that Derek was spoken about. We need our loved ones to be acknowledged and remembered.
I also had a nice night celebrating my father in laws birthday but I felt very flat when I got home to the empty house. Tonight I’m feeling low and I’m definitely having my own wobble. I don’t like this new life and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get used to it. How ever many people I spend time with it doesn’t help me.
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Pleased the wedding went well and you managed to enjoy it with peoples support. I agree the build up and the overthinking about things are very often worse than the actual event.
Take care xx
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I’m glad you enjoyed your father in laws birthday too. I agree about coming back home, I stayed overnight & we would have usually made a day of the next day as well but instead home to an empty flat. I know the next few days I’ll be down & exhausted as hiding sad emotions takes it out of you. I just don’t want to be that person who’s sad all the time & bring everyone else down. But it’s another day we’ve got through, with the help of our our loved one in our hearts.
Xx
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Dear Jodel1712
Thanks so much for letting us (me) know that your day with Derek’s family went so well. What special memories you will always have of that day and the fact the he was with you all, loved and treasure as he was in life.
Well done you, your words are so helpful and I hope more people read them and gain comfort.
affectionately
Miche24
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Dear Flossy,
Sometimes the down can feel overwhelming, I agree. But look what you achieved, going out is a challenge on your own and you did it. The flatness does pass in time, these are early days.
I’ve been on my own for a long time now, and I always say, ‘hello house’ when I get home. It sounds nutty but still makes me smile. My home is a space I have created to please me, it proved to be good therapy and continues to be.
with affection,
Miche24
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It’s so tough. My husband died last October, and I’ve had to go to a family wedding a few weeks ago. I was dreading it, but actually sometimes things are worse in your imagination than in reality, and it wasn’t quite as much of an ordeal as I was anticipating, although it was difficult, and I thought about my husband all day (especially as it was his son getting married). I entered into the spirit, and even danced all evening, but I have to say endured it rather than enjoyed it, and I was so glad to get home. Sometimes it’s just a matter of getting through these occasions, and giving yourself a big pat on the back afterwards - you managed it, and the people around you will have nothing but admiration for you.
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My son gets married September it will be hard but I will do it I’m his best man he has loads of friends but chose me a honour it would have being his dad always called his dad his best mate lv annie x x
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What a lovely decision off your son to ask you to be his best man. That shows how important you are to him and also let’s you honour his dad together. He sounds very thoughtful.
How lovely of your son to ask you to be best man. I’m sure you’ll do your husband and son proud. Hope you’ve started on your speech xx
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Jodel712 I know it’s a while since you posted this. I hope you coped at your nieces wedding. I have been through quite a few family celebrations alone in the last 7 years, including my youngest son’s wedding which was quite daunting and I was super anxious but once I was there among the guests I was actually surprised how much I relaxed. I had secret ‘chats’ to my late husband and told him all that was happening. I find the days and weeks leading up to any event hard to cope with as I worry that I wont cope on the day but then when it comes everything is usually ok. Of course I would dearly love to have hubby by my side and I will never get over the feeling of being alone among a crowd of people.
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