He was my reason for living

My husband died 10 weeks ago and I want to join him I love and miss him so much

Hi Marie, so sorry to hear about your husband. For most of us here, grief has been worse after a few months - I think it’s because the initial shock and all other emotions have now subsided, and we just have to live with our new reality and it is terribly sad. What’s important is for you to keep talking about your grief and husband, when my beloved dad died, in my first post what I did was write a bit about his life, that helped me, please feel free to tell us a bit more about your wonderful husband if you think it might help you.

Hi Abdullah thank you for replying I am sat here just crying so hard I can’t stop. We have no children so I guess that makes it harder. He was a one off so special I am so lucky that he loved and supported me now I am like a rudderless boat. We have been robbed and now I hate anyone that is older and still alive and I know that is wicked. Marie

Marie, I think you’re correct that if you don’t have children it can make it more difficult to cope with grief, my mum manages to cope by phoning us many times during the day, so my heart bleeds for you, it really does.

You need to be kind to yourself, you’re not an evil person but you are feeling robbed because your husband was taken too soon and your future has been destroyed. It’s a lazy Sunday that you would have been spending with your husband, and now you are sat there at home, all alone, and that is very painful, so no wonder you are crying. Please just feel free to continue posting however often you like, talking about your grief won’t take away the pain and suffering, you will still cry, but it can help you cope and get through an awful day.

Thank you.I am going to see some friends soon but I only want to see him I find no comfort in other people. My father died about 10 years ago but I think for him it was a happy release so I coped with that ok even though it was so sad. My husband had so much to live for but suffered greatly for 18 months with cancer. It was too cruel he didn’t deserve that. Thank you for lustening.

Hello Marie, I can completely empathise with your feelings. It is such a horrible time and there is nothing you can do about it except take each hour/day at a time. I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely husband and it’s a normal feeling at this stage to want to join him but I’m quite sure your husband would not want you to join him yet.
My thoughts are with you and keep posting on here. AL

Thank you for your response there ia no answer sadly too many people are bereaved

That is great, Marie, that you will go and see some friends. Totally understand how you won’t find comfort without your husband being there but at least it will occupy your mind and get you out of home. It is sad your husband suffered with his cancer, that must have been very diffiuclt for you to see, and wanting to join him is a normal feeling, but as Al says, your husband would not want that, it isn’t your time yet, and we hope you are able to find some help here at this forum. Should you wish, you can also apply for free telephone/online bereavement counselling at Cruse or Sue Ryder.

Thank you. I just feel like a spare part at friends.

1 Like

Your comment about people older than you is not wicked, it’s just honesty about how you feel at the moment. I look at couples and think, be happy while you can because your turn is coming, now that is proper wicked!


That has made me smile I have thought that. They have no idea whats coming.

1 Like

Hi Marie,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed with everything now.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, Marie, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Thank you for caring

Hi Marie. Im so sorry for all you are going through. It’s a day to day process of living hopefully you will find some peace in the coming months it’s very raw for you just now. Resentment of others is how many feel and in our case it’s the weekend especially Sunday that’s so difficult. We imagine the rest of the world is having family time except us. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself

Thank you thats exactly how it is. I have good friends but they don’t fully understand what its like and that hurts as well.

Grief is so personal and no one goes through things the same way so no one will fully understand how we feel but friends want to be there to do whatever they can. If you have good friends you are lucky cant imagine how you would get through life totally on your own dealing with grief.

I am so sorry to hear how devastated you are Marie. My husband also died 10 weeks ago today and I have no children. I am lucky my sister, brother in law and Gerry’s small side of the family are supportive. We have 8 cats and they have been a great comfort and a reason to keep getting up at 6 o’clock every morning to see to them. I am also lucky to have good friends. Nothing prepares you for the loss of a beloved partner in my opinion. I think they would want us to carry on until the natural time comes for us to join them, as hard as it seems at the moment. I do a bit of yoga on line and although I can’t give it my full concentration it helps. I find it very hard the first time I do something but it feels to me that Gerry is still around and to carry on. I am sending you a big virtual hug.

Thank you Janet As you will know the pain sometimes feels unbearable why is life so cruel. Take care I hope you get stronger every day as I hope I will.