My husband Bryan passed away suddenly on 3rd September 2021, Also…
My Mum passed 2nd March, just 6months and a day before him and my Dad passed 8 December 2019. I lost 3 very important people in my life all within 20 months. I thought it was hard when my Dad passed with cancer after a 20 month fight, to then lose my Mum to cancer after an 11 day diagnosis. I was just starting to get my head around all this when my husband was admitted to hospital with multiple seizures. His heart couldn’t cope due to heart failure and he passed away the next day, I was unaware just how poorly he was and no one explained that he was not expected to survive. I fully thought he would be ok after a couple of days in hospital, just like he had done previously over the years with the seizures. I never thought that day would change everything for ever! I struggle with everything now, sleeping, eating, living without him.
I am dreading the New Year, that I have to go into it and leave him behind. I have had so many family members pass this year but I cannot focus on them as I’m struggling enough already. I was my husbands carer so we were almost always together every day for 20 years. I miss every little thing about him, even the annoying bits, life is just too quiet and lonely now, he was such a loving and caring man who loved to play little jokes on me, hence the annoying bits, but he was my whole world to me, I miss him so much. I miss my Mum and Dad tremendously, but was starting to cope a little before my Bryan joined them. I just want to sleep the night away and forget just for a little while, but I struggle to fall asleep and then when I wake it’s just the same things but on a different day.
My husband Bryan passed away suddenly on 3rd September 2021, Also…
I’m really sorry Janet. That’s a lot to cope with. I lost Mum recently and we had the service this morning.
I also lost my Husband 5 years ago. He’d had a massive heart attack 10 months earlier and although he had survived he was left with congestive heart failure. We thought drugs would manage it and then a pace maker but he couldn’t have one and deteriorated. He went in hospital and was discharged a few weeks later on end of life care. They said he’d have a few weeks left but passed away a few hours after arriving home. I know you’ll know HF is serious but like you I thought he would have some treatment, come home till the next scare, but HF like anything that’s life threatening really does show no mercy. It can change so quickly.
I always thought mum was old and frail and my healthy husband would be there to support me but the worst happened in reverse.
It’s not always that we miss doing things with someone, it’s them not being there to do “nothing” with, that can hurt even more sometimes. All we can do is “be” and hope things feel “softer” as time progresses. x
Hi Tina, I’m so sorry about your Mum, thankyou for taking time to answer on her special day, it means so much. Yes I too knew HF was serious but not one doctor ever told us I found out off the NHS website, and to be honest my husband had many many other health problems including a bit of brain damage due to severe epilepsy, so he couldn’t have treatment for HF either. I was never told that he was basically coming home on borrowed time after the last visit to hospital in July. I was told when he was diagnosed with it in 2018, “oh it just means his heart beats a little slower than normal” I looked it up and decided because he had such a lot going on I wasn’t going to tell him about the HF part or he would have given up years ago. The day before he passed they asked me was there a DNR in place and I said “no he told me he wants to live every second he can” they then told me “he’s poorly, and if his heart stops we won’t be doing CPR, we are taking the DNR decision away as he’s too frail (at only 58) to do CPR on” they went on to tell me he had the frailty of a 75 year old, which was a shock, but they then said he was holding his own and doing very well considering everything. I was not told anything all the next day, even though I was phoning them every hour, I wasn’t allowed in the hospital due to Covid and half an hour before he passed they told me he was comfortable and had aspirated pneumonia due to the seizures, and they would ring me back in half an hour with updates. When they rang back, he’d gone… my heart broke as I never got to say goodbye or anything… then they said I could go see him in the hospital. If I had known I’d have been with him regardless of what they said but I didn’t know, and I feel so guilty for leaving him as he was on his own. I miss him so much and I feel I let him down when he needed me the most. I’m sorry for rambling on, I hope you are ok after today, it’s such a hard time when we lose our Mums x
I hope you don’t mind me dropping a line again. Its just to say you are not rambling at all. My guilt was for letting both my Husband and Mum down and I know how all consuming it is. Once our loved ones go through those hospital doors, things are simply out of our hands. That is a lot to take in and deal with. My Husband was 5years and although the guilt is still
there it has less jagged edges and easier to bear. You’ll get there in time, sometime. With Mum it’s new and I’m struggling. Some people go in and get P.A.L.S involved to address medical concerns, but I wasn’t strong enough for that. Maybe I should have gone in all guns blazing all along but I’m a timid sort. There are some kind spirited souls in The NHS but as an organisation I’m losing trust, it’s changed. I hope you have some peaceful moments tonight to remember Bryan. You deserve them. Much kindness to you.
I’m sitting here sobbing like a baby . I feel right back to square one thought I was doin ok now I just don’t think I can carry on anymore
Hi, I don’t mind at all, thank you for everything you have said, it’s really all helping knowing some one has been through the same, I must tell you your Mum would be so very proud of you right now! I know how it feels to feel like you let her down, I argued with my mum 3 days before she passed over something and nothing, it played on my mind for months and no one could tell me she wasn’t angry with me when she passed, she had a super aggressive leukaemia on the Saturday she was arguing with me and she looked so well, the next day she was too weak to get out of bed and 2days later, gone! Never had the chance to apologise to her. Just before my husband passed I found an birthday card she had written for me the year before that said “thankyou for everything you do for me, you will always be my angel” my husband said that’s her telling you it’s all ok and you can let it go, your mum knows you did your absolute best for her, you can go into the new year knowing you have done your best for her and also you have helped me feel a bit less worried too, and I am very grateful that you gave your time to message me, I hope you have a lovely new year because you deserve one x
Thankyou Janet that’s such a kind reply. x
So sorry for your loss, fortunately you have found yourself on this site, we are all here to help and support. My hubby died from HF, he had suffered with it for some years, but it was controlled by drugs. He died totally unexpectedly within 15 minutes of me talking to him. The Coroner said it was instantaneous and could have happened at any time, something I did not know. This time of year isn’t easy to get through, but everyone on here is in the same place at differing stages. Keep posting, it really does help. X