Heart broken without Mum

My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last April. She kept it from until the day before the surgery in June. Radiotherapy followed until October last year. She was positive and all seemed okay. Lymph nodes clear. She started to struggle with breathing in December and it just got worse. The hospital said the radiotherapy could have scarred her lung so they send for x-rays and scans. A long 5 weeks later she was diagnosed with lung cancer, I think stage 3. Incurable but worth treating they said. She was angry because it seemed the radiotherapy caused it. She wished she hadn’t bothered. I watched this wonderful woman age 20 years overnight. She was normally so active and loved shopping! Lockdown was the worst time for this to happen. I lived 120 miles away and still had to work during lockdown and to not be able to go with her to appointments or be home waiting for her was awful. I felt so guilty. Her partner is bed ridden and wasn’t really aware of what’s going on. She had to go though this terrible thing pretty mich alone. There were many phone calls and some visits, all masked up and distant. I remember leaving her without a hug, we just cried. Her health deteriorated and the chemo was brutal. Some days she just wanted to give up. I had to keep her positive. She lived for her grandchildren but not being able to see them was so very hard on her. Her final chemo was delayed 6 weeks as she kept getting chest infections. After 12 days in hospital and the chest infection not clearing up the doctor was doing all he could to find out why. On 6 July she coughed up blood and passed away within minutes. It seems she may have had pneumonia but I am still waiting confirmation. She hated the pipe down her throat and to know she died like that whilst they tried to clear her throat just pains me I am broken, my hear aches, she was the most precious woman and I cant see a life without her . I have no brother or father any more. I lost my dad 3 years ago and my brother when I was 25. I feel exposed, vulnerable and alone. My husband has been great, he loved her too. But Mum was my best friend. I haven’t cried yet tonight, scared to go to bed. Scared to face tomorrow. But reading some posts I see this is too common. This site is a life line and writing this seems like therapy. Thanks for being here.
Yvette

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Hi Yvette, I am so so very sorry to read about your Mum. What a horrific journey you have been on with her. I understand the fear of going to bed. As soon as the lights go out and your partner falls asleep it’s the loneliest time ever. I hope you can find some comfort here.
Karina :heart:

Thank you Karina I hope so too.
x

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Hi @Yvette
I’m so sorry for your loss sadly it’s something we all share in here. I’ve lost both my parents over the last 15 months, mum, my best friend in the world, this January. I can’t make you feel better but I can tell you we understand. We know the feeling of loneliness, emptiness and complete loss, but although we feel so alone people do care. Often they don’t know how to help, often we don’t ask for help.
Yesterday was my wedding anniversary the first time in my life that my mum hasn’t sent a card and given me a call for an important event. It hit me like a sledgehammer. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m lucky I could take the day off work, potter and even text a couple of people that I wasn’t havinga good day. My step mum rang to chat to check in, my brother sent messages, it doesn’t make the situation better but it helps me know that I’m but alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone help and support us there that I can promise x

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Hi Yvette
I’m so sorry to hear the sad news of your mum, only when its happened to me am I truly able to know the pain felt
I read your post at 0200 in the morning desperately looking for answers/comfort/an easing of the pain.
My mum died 6 days ago, bowel cancer, thought she was improving, incurable but waiting for an appointment with the specialist on how long left
She never made the appointment, she jad a huge stroke and died the sme day
I managed to be with her for the last hour of her beautiful and precious life.
All the coronavirus stuff in place around hospital visits, my story mirrors yours around work and there’s a guilt within myself over that
I do thank you for your words here, its great therapy without doubt, knowing we are not alone in the grief we feel.
I’m pleased ive found this site, I’ll attempt to share it with my 3 brothers and father, hopefully they too may receive some benefit in this difficult time.
Be well
Geoff

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Geoff,

I am so sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your Mum. There really are no words. I am glad my story had brought some comfort to you during this dark time. It does get easier, friends and family are a huge help. Smile for he happy memories you had and remember it is onay to not be okay. Each day at a time.
All the best

Yvette

Thank you for your words of support Scarlet. I am also sorry for your loss.
It turns out I have amazing friends and a very supportive husband. I know the firsts of everything will be hard but I will get through it, I am not alone.
Best wishes
Y

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