August 18th the day my beautiful wife of 43yrs passed away.Two months A short time that feels like a life time I never imagined the pain and desolation I have endured. Does time really heal or do we learn to endure in silence, the emotions running from anger guilt sadness loneliness why her not me (I was ten years her senior) friends and family can only do so much.
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Thank you for your response. What you say is true a great emptiness that no one can fill you stumble through the day for what there does not seem a point it
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Hi Mick77 I feel for you in your state of desolation. August is a very short time to have grieved. It takes time to go through the black tunnel of loss and sadness.
I lost my husband last November but now i see a glimmer of light shining through. I will always miss him and I still shed a tear at some time each day.
You won’t always feel so bad as you do now and I promise other things will come into your life eventually.
With love and hope for you.
Tricia
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Thank you tricia l know I’m at the early stage of grief and it helps to hear people who have suffered similar loss seeing a future ahead. As you undoubtedly know when you lose your partner you lose a great part of yourself I am not perfect neither was Christine but together we were
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Oh Mick77 ,my wife died on 27th September at St.Lukes Hospice in Basildon,bladder cancer stole her away from me.Funeral yesterday,today I am in bits,do not know what to do anymore,cannot sleep ,cannot eat,life meaningless now without her.I feel sick all the time,wander around the house aimlessly,what has become of us.Michael.
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I feel your pain I have felt the same feelings total loss of belonging. Trust in your friends and family that has been a great help to me try to stay busy it all helps. But of course there will be times when on your own you like me will just breakdown. I don’t have the answer but I do believe we will both come through this nightmare. Do not hold back the tears let them flow this is not weakness but a natural healing process get in touch anytime we will get through this
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Hi Mickeyboy31
I do so endorse what Mick 77 has said.
You must keep busy but allow yourself to flush out the grief with tears probably in private moments.
You will progress from the desperate stage of grief to feeling lonely and lost. I keep a diary and aim to do one thing per day which includes seeing someone. It may only be for an hour per day which may be enough at the moment. It may a needy neighbour, or others who have been widowed. I phone them and ask how they are. So many other people need company and connection. You can share your life stories as we do here. We must all help each other in this desolate situation.
I hope your acute stage of suffering is soon over.
You will survive, as I have done.
Love Tricia
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Wise words. Talking is one of the greatest healers in the first couple of weeks I could not talk about my loss without breaking down in tears, I still get very emotional but talking with friends and family will eventually help. Stay strong everyday is a step to recovery think of the good times and never forget
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Good morning mickeyboy just wanted to see how you are coping I know things are feeling desparate at the moment but trust me it will get better. You will never forget your late wife don’t even try
Concentrate on all the happy moments you shared. Do try and get out if only for a walk in the local park that helped me enormously especially when accompanied by a family member or close friend. Do continue to write it is a great way to vent your feelings people will not judge. In my thoughts
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How are you today Mickeyboy? Have you determined to do anything today? Simple stuff is best. A walk or pbone call? I lost all interest in my garden but the joy of it is beginning to come back with the encouragement of others.
I was glad to have my step-daughter to stay over the weekend what a blessing she is. Her presence filled the house with positivity. We looked at old photos of happier times which I wasn’t looking forward to but actually cheered me up. They were snaps of earlier times before I’ll health took it’s toll. Sorry if I’m only talking about myself. I’m thinking of you struggling through these early days of grief ’ always worse after the funeral i think. Try to keep company with others for some part of the day.
Bobmajor aka Tricia
Keep looking for the good things in life.
Thank you Mick77,I am trying my best to cope but it is so hard.
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Hi mickeyboy 31 I know how hard it is only a few short weeks ago I was feeling exactly as you are right now.
My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer which spread to her liver and lung. Within three weeks she lost the battle.
I was devastated like you are I had not had time to prepare for the shock in that short of time. Reading your story was like a rewrite of the way i felt after her funeral, but it also made me realise that of course i miss her Terribly but I have managed to function and carry on as she would have wanted me to. Life will never be the same, I will never be the same but in memory of my late wife I will do my best. So don’t give up, lean on family and friends let them help you there is more living to do. YOU Will GET THROUGH
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Thank you for your support.
I’m here anytime you need support and thank you for making me realise that I have taken one small step from those dark few weeks
I’m sure you will find your own way forward just give it time
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Hi tricia reading mickeyboy first entry took me back to the first days of my wife’s passing
All the symptoms he mentions I also endured, but on reading them my thoughts were that was me a few weeks ago and made me realise that small though it may be I have taken a step forword
I know mickeyboy in his own time will also take that first step in rebuilding a life for himself
Love and support to everyone
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They say that the course of bereavement doesn’t necessarily run on predictable lines and that one can be angry one week and distraught the next. I am just trying to give myself a structured day and week, as I’m retired and so don’t have work to fill out the day. I try not to dwell on the repeat 'video ’ that swirls around my brain, that one of my David’s last week’s and hours. It pops up each day for a while that’s when I cry. I try to divert my thoughts as it’s unbearable. That’s when being busy and involved in other’s
problems can help take away my pain.
Bobmajor
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Mick 77 thank you again for your support and kind words.
I find that waking up and realising that she is not there anymore is one of the worst things,it then becomes so real again as if the funeral was not evident enough.I am very scared of this life without her,I am lonely and it terrifies me.The long winter evenings are going to be hell on earth.Christmas will pass me by now,no longer interested in celebrating.My life finished on 27th September 2021 at 2.15pm when my darling passed away in my arms.
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I too dread the thought of Christmas on my own. Many family members and friends have invited me to join them but I will not intrude on what is family thing
Long dark nights will also be a testing time I will endeavour to get through by decorating and household repairs which I have neglected recently. Try to find something to occupy you time joining an activity group walking /coffee mornings all help take care
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Last Christmas was the first one after David died and I spent it with my stepson and family. It was a dreadful time. The worst bit was walking in the park, many people all arm in arm and me, yours truly trailing behind like a lost soul.
This year I have been invited to stay a short while with my sister who lives in Brighton, which I shall do.
Nothing at the moment, can take away that close feeling I had with David. No longer lying beside me at night kills me too. It’s a broken heart I have but I’m battling to survive - there’s no alternative.
This is the second time I’ve been widowed and it seems so much worse, maybe because I’m older?
Tricia
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